My sister frequently masturbates in semi-public places

[AlwaysCurious]

My seven year old sister frequently masturbates in the car on longer road trips or in the living room while watching tv. She started doing that when she was three. Usually, she just places her hands between her legs and rubs from the outside of her clothes, or she puts a hand in her pocket and rubs that way. My mom tried to get her to stop when she was three and four but now she doesn't even care anymore. My mom says about her doing it in the car that at least she isn't asking are we there yet every two minutes, and about her doing it in the living room, she doesn't care anymore, unless we have company over, and is just glad she doesn't do this at school or in actual public places. I know it's normal for younger children to masturbate and to maybe have to learn about privacy and when it's appropriate, but isn't seven years old quite a bit unusual to be doing this? And the thing is, she DOES do this in front of others occasionally, like when I have friends over or my school study partner, but my mom doesn't believe me or see it as a big deal.

[Heather]

Hi there, AlwaysCurious.

You're right, this is common behavior for children. For small children, masturbation is more often about comfort than the kind of sexual pleasure we'll tend to associate it more with as teens or adults, so it can be hard sometimes for kids to understand why it's not okay to do in public.

That said, I understand your concerns, especially given that your sister isn't such a small child anymore. It sounds to me like why she's still doing this is because your Mom just opted out of parenting around it, unfortunately. I wonder if you might consider talking to her about it yourself? If so, I'd suggest just trying to have a talk as an older sibling where you tell her that doing this in front of other people can make them feel very uncomfortable, and that it is supposed to be something people only do in private, not in public or in places like the car. If no one has told her yet that masturbation is part of sexuality, it may be time to do that and explain that things we do to express our sexuality in action should be private to help everyone feel safe.

I'd also suggest that when she does this, like in front of your friends, you re-up by just walking over to her and very quietly -- you don't want to cause shame, after all -- and gently remind her that what she is doing is for private, not public, and tell her if she wants to do it she should go somewhere where she can be alone.

How does that sound?