Wondering if I'm bisexual

[iunyt]

Hi!

I am a straight woman, 31 y.o. I have always been with men but I'm questioning myself.

Due to my style and physical appearance, and the fact that I openly support the queer community, many think I am lesbian or bi. I have always been very open with my masculine and feminine side, I think a word that defines me well is the femandrogyne. For example, I like to be dressed sexy (and I feel good when I do it) and I also like to wear wide pants and a big t-shirt.

I have no problem saying that a woman is pretty without having thoughts in the back of my head, and I enjoy empowering women (more than other genders). I think that a sexy woman is great! I have never felt "butterflies" when looking at a woman and I have never been close physically with a woman either.
Could I be bi without knowing it? Mainly because I never "tested" it so idk if I'm attracted to women? It could also be fear without me realizing it.

I don't know, I'm lost.
Has anyone ever felt the same way?

Feel free to ask me questions
Thank you!

[KierC]

Hello iunyt, and welcome to the message boards!

So, sexual orientation describes the way that we find ourselves attracted to others based on their expressed gender identity. More specifically, bisexuality refers to folks who can experience attraction to people of more than one gender, or whose attraction to people does not have to do with the person’s expressed gender identity. The key with this, though, is that sexual orientation, and the words we use to describe orientation, is about the attraction we experience towards other people. Another important part of sexual orientation is that the words you use to describe your identity are for you to use when you feel right about it. If identifying as bisexual feels right for you, that is good. If Questioning feels better, or if queer feels better, that’s good too! If you feel like it fits, then those words are for you, too. On the other hand, if you don’t want to use any words to describe your identity, that’s also okay. It’s really about how *you* experience your identity right in this moment. Your feelings about your identity can also change over time, and it’s possible to discover that over time, you find different words to use to describe yourself that feel better. It really is fluid.

I hear you that you support the queer community and that you enjoy empowering women, that you find women sexy, but have not experienced a “butterfly” feeling and have not been intimate with women before. From here, I think it could be worth asking: How does the word bisexual feel if you try it on? Too, are you wondering about being bisexual because of comments people have made based on how you present, or have you experienced this sort of attraction before, or want to see if you can?

[iunyt]

Hi there

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer me, I appreciate.

I agree with you that the label/word I'm using should be only the one(s) I decide and resonate with.

I don't think I'm questioning my sexuality because of people commenting on my appearance etc., it's more about "maybe they saw something in me that I don't". I've been wondering for some years now, and I told myself (and still do) that if one day I really feel a connection with a woman, I'll try to see how it goes without blocking myself, because we never know what life brings us.
It's more about my ease to find women beautiful and compliment them nicely, so I'm wondering if I'm just a girls girl who love to empower other queens or if there's something else
The word bisexual is ok for me, I don't feel anything negative.

I'm not like "I lied to myself, I should have known" etc. because first of all I don't know if I'm bi, and then I accept that people evolve, me included, so I don't feel guilt or shame

[Jacob]

Hi iunyt!

If you feel there is more to your sexuality that you want to explore then you can do that, but I want to add that these people might also be making false assumptions that how somebody likes to dress, necessarily dictates their sexual orientation.

That said, it sounds like you at least want to see what happens if you leave yourself open to dating women. So I say go with that openness and see what you can learn about yourself!

[iunyt]

Hi Jacob

Thank you for your comment
I think idk how to proceed right now, for example do I try to get close to a woman to see how I feel? Or would it feel forced for the both of us? It's so new to me!

[KierC]

I hear you, it can definitely be a little tricky figuring out what to do when you want to explore something new. If you meet someone you feel attracted to and want to get to know more or want to be closer to, go with it! I would honestly proceed in the way you’d proceed normally, just opening yourself up to experiencing new things if you meet someone and feel the desire to! Does that make sense?

[Jacob]

As Kier says, I don't know if there's anything particular new or different you need to do.

Two things I think you should be careful of though:

1. Attraction. If we're talking about being attracted or drawn to a person, you can't manufacture that. You can try leaving yourself more open to it emotionally (like just gently reminding yourself that it's an option) - it could mean you find you're more likely to experience it in your life without changing it - or you might find that you can't observe any such attraction in yourself!

So far it doesn't sound like you've had any clear experiences of being attracted to women, so we should also be realistic about the possibility that you won't be attracted to women.

2. Exploring/experimenting. If you go on dates, I'd look for people who are open to friendships and let them know where you're currently at. Many queer people have had negative experiences of being dated by folks who are otherwise straight and would often rather not go on dates where the other person is primarily concerned with their own experimentation and exploration.

So long as your honest you can hopefully only find yourself on dates with people who are approaching it with openness and are okay with the uncertainty of the situation.

[iunyt]

Thank you for your answers, it makes sense
Since I'm being open about questioning myself and talking about it, I feel I look at some women slightly differently (in a positive and respectful way ofc). Maybe I'm giving myself that right in a sense, idk.
I don't know any bisexual women close to me, or I'm not aware of their sexual orientation. It would have been nice to chat about it

[Jacob]

No worries... It sounds like you're slowly settling on how you want to approach this, have you tried looking for local LGBTQ+ groups, that might be a way to find people to talk to.