I'm kind of nervous to masturbate but *really* want to

[insert_username]

I'm 18NB but also afab for context. i'm pure virgin as they get and ive never really masturbated like. ever. any sexual acitvity basically. the closest ive gotten was probably more just like. touching the area (cupping it? kind of?) with my hand and a bit around the thighs but defo not with the intention of like. orgasming or whatever just sort of for minor pleasure. ive got a vague idea of what *might* work but it's still an untraversed territory
I suppose I must be falling into the hole of researching and reading about it (ive read every single article about masturbation more than twice over. including the ones on this website. over and over again) but not actually doing it. I really want to because I've been feeling kind of tingly "down there" and i think(?) that's arousal and especially when sometimes i get really explicit thoughts or something.
I haven't ever really exposed myself to much NSFW stuff because I guess i just. never had an interest for the good majority of my life and was mainly repulsed to a degree, but i kind of want to give it a try.

the worst part is, my parents are always home during the holidays so i could prolly get some true alone time when school/work starts again and both parents are out of house, so right now I'm mainly trying to figure it out in secret.
i've never really gotten much education self pleasure wise. my mom gave me a brief explainer back when i was 12 or so because my period was coming up and it was mostly anatomy i think? and my school also focused on sex and stuff but currently i have no interest in that (even my sexual thoughts i did have have always been about the feeling of getting off and not really necessarily anyone in mind) and would just like to do more solo stuff, mainly to discover myself and all that but also i've never done much exploration of my body (ive never enjoyed being afab tbh) and it might just gimme confidence i don't know. i don't know if i would like having such a convo with my parents at all (i live with them).

all this yapping aint helping anyone so let's get to the point. i guess i kind of wanna allievate... the nervousness/embarassment? there's so much info out there and i can't quite figure out how i wanna go about it. i must be overthinking it as i tend to do that a lot, but i also just feel like i can't quite translate the info i *have* learned into real life. like i can't quite get an understanding about how the illustrations and pictures translate into *me* and it's pissing me off a tad i guess.
also are there any practical tips? i don't entirely know about getting any toys, DIY or official (which is 100% not feasible with my current situation) since im basically on square one here and don't know shit about myself or my wants.
should i start watching porn or something? i am just absolutely stuck even despite learning all the facts and logical ways about it.

do help however you can!

[Anya]

Hi insert_username,

Welcome to the boards!

What I'm hearing is that you are interested in exploring your body through masturbation, but are unsure how to go about it. It sounds like you have done a pretty extensive amount of research in trying to figure it out, and now maybe feel a bit stuck when it comes to actually applying that to real life? Let me know if I got that right and if there's anything you'd like to add.

It seems like you're being super proactive about your wants and interests in getting to better know your body. This is super cool, and research through sites like ours can be a great way to learning about the commonality of bodies and how pleasure may be experienced. The challenging part, as it looks like you've noticed, is often then applying what you learned in a way that works for you. Every body is different and what may feel great to one person may not to someone else. So it's a good jumping-off point to be looking into what others say about masturbation, but in general, the best way to learn what your body likes is to ask your own body. This often involves just beginning to try new things and allow your body to guide what feels good. It can be difficult, but doing your best to also let go of expectations like orgasm or satisfaction may help you tune in with your sensations as more exploratory than anything else. Does this feel like something you have already tried or are willing to?

[insert_username]

Thanks for replying! You basically just about got it lol. The IRL application is kind of ticking me off mainly because when i look at myself I can't quite seem to figure out what part is where, from the times I've looked at myself anyways.
I suppose I ought to let go of that sort of like pleasure expectation because I barely even know myself much less how I'd do it, but admittedly I was coming in with the thought I'd get a new feeling or sensation out of it at some point. Most of my desire to actually do it is stemming from wanting to feel what it's like to experience the pleasure.
I haven't tried anything *just* yet because as I mentioned in post, I live with my parents and I'm not taking the risk of being caught or having them barge in and ask me for something midway (and also it'd make me feel comfier). But I'm certainly planning to try something or other. I'll probably just take what I've seen and read other people do and try and see how I react from there.
I just sort of wish there was a sort of "game plan" on what to experiment with. is it really you just make it up and hope it works?

[Anya]

Hi insert_username,

That's totally understandable. I will say, generally, it doesn't really matter as much to try and learn what you're "supposed to" touch or which parts are "better than others" if you are able to first just go off of just what feels good. Lots of people also find pleasure from stimulating erogenous zones like nipples, neck, back, legs, just in a tickling or relaxing sort of way. Masturbation and pleasure do not have to stem only from genitals to be enjoyable! This might be a good place for you to start. If you notice any parts of your body that are more sensitive than others (can even be face, arms, thighs, anything) I would encourage you to, for now, just focus on enjoyable sensations in those spots before adding in the genital element. How do you feel about that?

It's very reasonable for you to also be worried about being walked in on while living with your family, as that's a concern for a lot of people. If you are wanting more privacy it may be beneficial to consider trying these things in the shower, in bed before going to sleep, or another time of day when you are likely to not be interrupted.

[insert_username]

Thanks for the advice! I appreciate it! It kinda helped me view it from a different lens! I did try it out briefly when I knew my parents weren't gonna interrupt me as much after reading this and i had a really enjoyable experience! I might sort of experiment with both genital and non genital to see what works! Thanks so much for your help!!

[Latha]

I'm glad Anya's advice was helpful, insert_username!