Why do I not feel sexually frustrated?

[misty00]

I just recently turned 19 and I have never felt that urge to masturbate.
I think I am not asexual cuz i did have my fantasies while reading books, i do get wet while thinking of scenarios. I also, i think once or twice did something with my fingers to my clit and it felt good but i was sleepy both of those times, and i don't know what i did, how i did but it felt good. I just can't do the same while awake.
Due to one of my friend's harsh comment i tried masturbating, i looked up diagrams, i understood what is called what and what are sensory nerves. But when i tried it nothing , worked. I know when i am touching the clitoris but it's mild and not in any way pleasurable, I tried touching the areas around it.
Nothing.Worked.
I am worried i might not have much sensory nerves in my body.
My self esteem is low thinking I am not sensitive enough.
I personally feel disgusted by the real deal of sex, i never watched porn but i want to try almost sex activities.
I don't know which vibrator or toys to buy to achieve that. I have never had sex nor have i kissed someone. I just want to be a person who knows what they are doing. I want to be confident.

[Becky]

Hi Misty!

Can you clarify a few things for me first? Are you actually interested in masturbating/self-pleasure? You said at first that you've never felt the urge to masturbate and then that you feel "disgusted" by sex. But you want to try "almost sex" activities. Can you tell me what activities that would include?

[misty00]

Hi Becky!
I didn't make myself much clear.
I am curious and i do want to learn, I just am confused as to why I didn't figured it out myself like others did and why i never felt the urge, that intense instinctual one my friends talk about but yeah i do want to try and I am interested partly out of curiosity and partly cuz i want to be experienced.
Second, yes i do feel kinda weird about the idea of sex. It seems scary and painful and I get these paranoid questions...about hygiene...i am so sorry if this sounds stupid.
And lastly... the almost sex activities meant anything excluding penetration..kissing, makeout, dryhumping.

[Sofi]

Hi misty00, I just want to start by letting you know not everyone feels those urges, and even for those who do, not everyone figures it out by any specific age. There are tons of people your age and way older who have never masturbated, some never will. There's really no rulebook for this stuff and experiences vary - and they're all equally valid!

Also, none of this sounds stupid. You're actually being really smart by asking these questions beforehand. I will say, probably a big reason you think sex seems scary and painful is because you've heard it be talked about in certain terms, such as "penetration", which imply the penis is the active part penetrating the vagina as a passive part, which isn't the case. How we talk about sex is important, so I just want to invite you to think of it differently.

That said, it's also something you should try because you WANT to and feel ready to, not because you just want the experience. Confidence won't come from simply having sex, it'll come from getting to know yourself and what gives you pleasure, having firm boundaries, and learning about your body. Masturbation looks different for everyone because we all respond differently to things, so there isn't a right or wrong way to do it. If something doesn't feel good, experiment with new things, but give yourself patience and grace. The process should be enjoyable. When it comes to partnered sex, it should be something you and whoever your partner is have discussed, shared what each other's wants and needs and boundaries are, and it should be fun rather than feel pressured. Does that make sense?

I did also want to open the floor for the hygiene related questions you have. Happy to answer those for you!

[Tara]

Misty, let us know if you need anything else.