19yr Autistic AFAB nervous to try insertion. Help-

[Void]

Hello, this is my first post- but i need help- im a 19yr autistic AFAB person who has masterbated and orgasmed before but ive been wanting to try using my fingers to try insertion but i get scared every time- i want a proper step by step of what to do and what to expect in terms if feeling because i like to be prepared etc. google has been absolutely no help. The one time i did try, i felt, i guess what i would describe as a “wall” of kinds and i didnt want to push any further out of fear- i am not opposed to do this nor do i not want to- i would like to but since i am unaware of what will happen or what it will feel like it makes me somewhat nervous. Also any time i have tried touching myself with my hands, afterwards i become absurdly aware of my vagina, somewhat of a slight burning sensation is the best way i can think of describing, not sure if that is ok/normal.

To break it down for what im asking. If possible i would like a step by step (please try to be a descriptive as possible please /lh) of what to do and how to use my fingers to insert them into me safely- and if possible a description of what it will/may feel like- Help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

-Void

[Sofi]

Hi Void, welcome to the boards.

You know, to be honest, a step-by-step and a description of what it would feel like wouldn't even actually be that helpful. That's because everyone's anatomy, brain (the pleasure center/where all pleasure happens), and preferences are different, not to mention medical things that cause differences in sensations during insertion. It's just a very personalized thing, and there isn't really a wrong way as long as you aren't in pain.

I'm more interested to hear why you are wanting to do this so much, if you've tried and it didn't really feel good. I'm just trying to understand if this is something you feel like you need to do, or where the desire to figure it out is coming from? There are other ways to masturbate and a lot of people with a vulva don't actually insert anything during masturbation, so it's certainly not required, and not even preferred by many folks. So it would be helpful for us to be able to help you if we can know the reason you want to figure this out.

[Void]

Hello sofi, thank you for the reply. I think the main thing for me is to get over my anxiety about my body, i want to be able to feel good and have wanted to try this for a while out of pure curiosity of what it will feel like. I feel as tho the desire is to have more options for myself rather than doing something like pillow humping etc- its more of my nerves and the unknown of the experience that are holding me back. When i have tried i did not feel pain, just more a pressure sensation. I hope this answers your questions if not, could you possibly rephrase as to what you’re asking? /lh

[char]

Hi Void, thank you for providing more context. I'll jump in for now since Sofi isn't online until later today, so I won't be able to explain what Sofi meant with their questions. But I'll answer your question to the best of my capabilities To me, it seems like she was making sure that you don't feel forced or pressured (be it by yourself or by others, indirectly or directly) to masturbate using insertion, especially since pop culture at large tend to portray vaginal insertion as the definition of "real" sex. This is untrue, not only because sex involves a lot of things (as you can read in this article by our founder, Heather) but also because a lot of folks with vulvas do not masturbate by inserting their fingers/toys into their vaginas, as mentioned by Sofi in their reply above.

If you'd like to masturbate with vaginal insertion, you can definitely try that! Like Sofi mentioned, everyone's anatomies and preferences are different, so I won't share a step-by-step guide since everything may not apply to you. But there are some things to keep in mind:
- It's normal for folks with vulvas to not orgasm from vaginal insertion alone. This is because only the 1/3 of the vaginal canal is much more sensitive to stimulation or contact compared to the rest of the canal. It's not impossible to orgasm from insertion alone, but often folks will stimulate other parts of their bodies along with the insertion, such as the clitoris.
- It's also important for the vaginal canal to be lubricated for the insertion to be smooth, be it through being aroused or using lube. (It's typically better when both are available.)

These aren't direct pieces about how to masturbate with vaginal insertion themselves, but you can read the following articles to learn more about the vulva and insertive sex:
- Innies & Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus and More
- Yield for Pleasure
- With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body
- Lube 101: A Slick Little Primer
- Lubricant (not diamonds) is a girl's best friend.
- The Great No-Orgasm-From-Intercourse Conundrum

How does all of this info make you feel?

[Void]

Hello Char! Thank you for the reply and what you said does make sense thank you. No wonder it was so hard to find something. I will definitely check out the articles you provided. It does make me a bit more at ease especially since this is my first time actively talking about this with others. It does make me feel somewhat safer in a way to try even if i’m somewhat nervous. Thank you again! I do appreciate it!

[maille]

Void,

I am so glad you've found char's reply helpful. Let us know if any questions come up when giving those resources a read.