Ex friend is my friend again but stuff is only just hitting me

[oliver-kittycat]

So, first, some background stuff I guess. During 2024 and 2025, I was part of an online friend group of seven people. We were all part of an OC (original character) project and they were all really close friends of mine, and I had a great time coming up with the story with all of them. I thought everything was fine.

Long story short, at one point a person we’ll call B was convinced C hated him and had been really rude to him. There was a big blowout argument and B essentially left the server. T, who was really close to B, got annoyed with the way the rest of us handled it, and eventually started talking with another person, A, and getting close with them, and T, A, and B started talking to each other in DMs about things the other four of us did that annoyed them.
Over months they really kind of riled each other up and started kind of really hating us. And six months ago things finally came to a head, and we had a falling out. It hurt a lot, but T and A had been kind of distant, so I don’t know, I felt kind of numb about it.

But then, about a week ago, T suddenly reached out to my friend M to apologize for what he’d done and say that he was really sorry that he’d lost sight of the fact that we were friends. We had a few conversations about it and now we have a group chat with him and our other friends. We’re friends again and I’m so so happy about it. Me and him had been really close, and I’d missed him so much I’d had several dreams about us making up.

But today T was talking about how he, A, and B, had never really hated N, the last member of the group. They would be talking about how we were all so evil and then they’d say to each other “oh but we love N”. And… I don’t know.
It just hit me that those three, who I’d really, really cared about, had hated me and M and C’s guts.

I’m so glad to have T back, but B was the first internet friend I ever met in real life. A was my friend for a year before I even met all the others. And T and I have been talking about all the old inside jokes and stuff, and it just hit me that they hated me, and A probably still does, and I’m never getting what we had before back.

T is dating B and is still friends with A, but hasn’t told them we’re friends again because he doesn’t think they’d understand. I’m fine with it, I’m not even that mad at B and A. I’m just… I wish that they’d apologize too, or at least that A would. B never really did much wrong, but T and A hid that they were mad at us for months and then were super rude when we confronted them. And T said they were even ruder with what they said in DMs and that hurts me, even though I’ve forgiven T, I just hate that it happened.

And it was so fucking stupid what happened. None of what they were mad at us for even really mattered and it all could’ve been worked out if we just talked about it, but they didn’t, and T said they don’t think A would forgive us for all that stupid shit, so I’m never ever getting them back. I want my friends back and I can’t have them because of some stupid stuff they practically made up.

I just miss them so fucking much and it hadn’t hit me before. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed them because I hadn’t let myself think about any of our jokes, or their parts of the OC project, or how much I cared about them, for so long. And now I am thinking about it. And I miss it. And it makes me really sad that those people, who I genuinely loved, were so vitriolic towards me and my friends.

I don’t know what to do. I just feel so bad and I don’t know how to fix it. I’m not used to grieving, and I’m not used to having emotions that are this strong and not having any kind of release for it. I’m not good with emotions generally and I don’t know what to do about it. It feels bad.

I’m genuinely really happy T is my friend again and I do forgive him for what happened. Even if the reasons weren’t good, I understand what happened and he really sincerely apologized and still feels bad, so it’s not like I think he’s just stirring shit up or anything. I just also have this really bad feeling of grief, I guess, and I don’t know what to do about it

[Sofi]

Hi oliver-kittycat. Sorry to hear all this happened, it's an awful realization that people you thought were your friends maybe didn't actually like or respect you.

You say you're not used to having emotions this strong, so I understand not knowing how to process those. There isn't a one-size-fits-all way to process feelings and emotions, so it's one of those things that you want to trial and error to find what works best for you. Ideally, you're doing several things, and of course they're healthy ways to process - meaning none of them are hurtful to you or anyone else.

For example, lots of people go to therapy to externally process their feelings by talking them out with a professional who can guide them. On top of that, releasing emotions with physical activity works well for tons of people, whether it's working out, dancing, or even something like kickboxing or something niche. Moving your body can really help when paired with facing the emotions and processing them (instead of avoiding them). Writing them down, through journaling for example, is another way some people are able to process feelings. It's all about what works best for you.

Do you think some of these are things you'd want to try?