can't fit in a dildo, will it get better??

[evie.is.tryin]

hii! im nearly 18 and ive been having a minor issue with masturbation. i haven't had any sexual interaction with another person yet, i have masturbated externally and internally but that's it.

a little while ago, i bought an average sized vibrator in the shape of a penis. its 6.5 inches long and 5.5 inch circumference, which should be 1.8 inches diameter/thickness. i have never been able to make it fit inside, even with lube and multiple attempts at different positions. the tip is the only thing that manages to make it in, and that's at a stretch.

i can fit a couple fingers in perfectly fine and can use a thinner dildo, but just not that one. i was aroused every time i tried to use it, but i was also admittedly nervous.

the only reasonable explanation i have for this in my head is that i wasn't necessarily trying enough, or that the toy is shaped more like a 20+ year olds penis and so it wouldn't fit in my vaginal canal? is that a thing, do vaginal canals change in size as you get older and so can only really accustom penises of people a similar age?

i want to try and fix this problem, especially before i do have intercourse for the first time, but i don't really know if it's a gyno worthy concern if what i said is just the issue.

thank you anyone who responds! <3

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards, evie.

I'm not going to assume there actually is a problem here just yet, because there likely isn't. And no, penises don't really come in different sizes based on age: once a person with a penis is through puberty (usually by their early or mid-20s), their penis is going to be the size it is, and the variations in width, length, hardness/softness and otherwise are just about genetics and about the level of erection someone has at a given time. That said, a 5.5 inch circumference would be considered an above average size, so you may just have chosen a dildo that's wider than actually feels good for you. Understand, too, that especially if the dildo is made of a hard material rather than a soft one, that a penis of the same size will be a lot more forgiving than a dildo will.

Vaginal canals aren't a fixed size like you're thinking, but are instead very flexible: the muscles of and around them relax or tighten based on things like fear or arousal, and much, much later in life, after menopause, do get a little less flexible, especially for those not using vaginal estrogen. Sometimes there are also changes for those who have given birth vaginally, but even those are usually mostly temporary. At your stage of development, your vaginal canal is probably pretty much the same it will be for much of your adult life.

When you're using this dildo:
• Are you using it because you deeply desire to feel something inside your vagina while you are already turned on, or is it more because of something like that you feel you have to use it or are just curious?
• When you put it into the opening of you, are you just letting it stay there for a while, feeling good, and only then do you press it in a little more, and only as you feel your vagina yield for it?
• Are you nervous or afraid when you are using it (sounds like you were: if so, that will typically result in the muscles of and around the vagina kind of clamping down and not being as flexible)?
• Are you doing other things while using it, like external clitoral stimulation?
• Did you pick the size because you thought it would feel good for you or for some other reason?

[evie.is.tryin]

thanks for the warm welcome and the quick reply heather!!

it's interesting to hear that it's above average because it's one of the ones that the company recommends as part of their basics/beginner line. the material is also more rigid than the other one i own so i understand how that may affect the experience.

its cool to hear the rest of the information too, i was aware that vaginal canals have a degree of elasticity depending on arousal but i wasn't sure if age played a factor in size when not aroused.

in regards to the questions :
- it is both a mix of curiosity and a desire to at least try penetration since the idea of it seems arousing to me
- when it does enter my opening, there isn't really much pleasurable feeling at that area yet so i do try to get it deeper, but at that point it does not go any deeper
- i am slightly nervous because ive infamously heard that the first instance of penetration hurts a little, so that may subconsciously cause a bit of resistance. for that same reason i think i also may just not be pushing enough? i don't know how to explain it but i feel like it may end up being easier if it was someone else leading it, if that makes sense
- i haven't tried it yet, my hands are a bit too clumsy but if that's something you'd suggest then i can try it out
- as i mentioned earlier, it was one of their 'beginner' recommendations and it was also one of their smallest ones in width i believe at the time of me buying it, it wasn't so much about the shape but the vibration aspect as a plain dildo doesn't do too much for me on my own

[Heather]

This context helps, evie, thanks for filling me in.

By all means, for most folks, most of the time, you're going to need to already be very sexually aroused -- usually from some other kind of sex, like that external clitoral stimulation I talked about -- before you do anything where something is going inside your vagina.

"Penetration" is not a framing I like for a lot of reasons, but one big one is that I feel it gives people the wrong ideas about how this works: it suggests this is about a piercing, or pushing in, when it's really a pushing in, or sliding in while the vagina also opens and pulls in. I give you that description, because whether it's a partner or you with a toy, knowing to feel for your vagina opening up more and feeling it pull whatever you are trying to have inside it slightly, rather than just pushing, regardless of what the vagina is doing, is the way to these kinds of stimulation actually feeling good. If and when you don't feel that pull or that yielding, then we (or a partner) don' want to push whatever it is in more or forcefully, because that won't feel good.

So, yeah, with play and exploration like this, I'd add some stimulation before and during to your clitoris, at the least (if it helps to know, people having a good time during intercourse often do this, too), and by all means, don't push more unless it feels like your vagina is yielding for that or pulling in a bit.

If this dildo is also made of a hard or harder material, I think on top of what you say about how it feels with the width, this toy may just be a dud for you. Sometimes it's like that, unfortunately, which is always obviously a bummer, because it isn't like how we can return them. In the future, I'd suggest one made of silicons, and see about something with more like a 4 inch circumference or less. That also makes the jump from your last one to this less one less extreme.

First intercourse shouldn't actually cause pain, there's nothing anatomical that causes that, but because people are often fearful or nervous, what happens is the vagina and its opening tense up, and then a partner will often make the error of doing that pushing in without knowing that we don't push in when the vagina doesn't feel like it's also pulling us in or letting us in a little. Make sense?