First time happened and GF was unhappy with it

[NatalieR]

I lost the V-card and it didn’t go well. I’m a lesbian who just learned she was one. A week ago I had sex for the first time with my girlfriend, and it went terribly.

During the sex I didn’t know what to do and it was obvious because my GF got irritated and said I should know what to do already at my age. I tried to give her head but she stopped me and asked me how I could not know how to give oral by now. I felt so embarrassed and it hurt my feelings because I started out excited to learn but it wasn’t good enough I guess. After the sex we talked about it and I shared how it made me feel when she had that reaction. She said I shouldn’t of been that bad at it then and that I was being too sensitive. Now I don’t want to have sex anymore because I was bad enough for her to have that reaction.

I know I’m a late bloomer but I did not think sex would be like this and I didn’t know it would be this hard for me to do. She knew it was my first time, but maybe she just doesn’t have the patience to teach me? I don’t know if anyone even will.

[mikky]

Hi NatalieR,

I am very sorry that this person treated you this way. It is not at all acceptable behavior from a sexual partner. I do not think that this person is someone you should continue a relationship with in any form- it sounds like she is demeaning, unkind, and unsafe. Can we talk about what it would look like to end this relationship?

Nobody should just know how to have any kind of sex due to their age, or sexuality… Sex is always, no matter how much experience we do or don’t have, about communication. “You shouldn’t be bad at this” is not communication, it is just bullying.

We can talk more about building confidence in future sexual relationships, and communicating, but right now, I am primarily concerned about your safety and wellbeing in this relationship.