I am really struggling to have an orgasm
I am really struggling to have an orgasm
Hi, I am a 14 yr old male. I have tried masturbating a couple of times and nothing really happened. I kind of went half-hearted because I didn't want my parents to find out, so I had knees and below under blanket, nude and put some Vaseline on my penis, I tried rotating it round with my hand but nothing really happened. I tried looking at stuff which made me go harder and my penis erect properly but nothing came out really, apart from occasional urine. People at school talk about 'gooning' in a joking way but I want to experience it - also I don't want to be that 1 guy who gets into bed with a girl and nothing really comes out, considering there is a girl I like (and I think she likes me) who I don't want to have to make wait for me when we are 18. I can't really tell if I have gone through puberty properly, because my voice has kind of deepens, not much pubic hair and my penis is still only like 4.5cm when completely soft. Please advise on how I should do it. Thanks
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Re: I am really struggling to have an orgasm
Hi there, Campat. Welcome to the boards. I'm sorry that this is distressing for you.
Ejaculation and orgasm aren't the same thing. I mention that in part because ejaculation tends to come for folks a little later in puberty than most people expect. Sure, some people with penises ejaculate earlier than your age, but many won't start until 14 or 15. I also want to make sure that you know that puberty doesn't usually stop at 18 for most people. 18 is a legal age of majority in most places, but that isn't based on puberty. For most people, puberty generally isn't all the way finished until the late teens or early 20s. It will be done for absolutely no one as early as by 14. For more on puberty and its timetables, you can check this piece out: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/bodies/ ... darn-close
I also want to make sure that you know that while many people who ejaculate enjoy how it feels, and while ejaculation may be exciting for many partners, sexual partners often won't be particularly invested in whether or not you ejaculate. They will generally be invested in you both enjoying yourselves, and feeling good, physically and emotionally together, and both feeling satisfied with however you've explored sexuality together. But at 14, 24 or 64, I want to make sure you don't put pressure on yourself around ejaculation, period, especially because you think it's something you have to do for partners.
I'm not sure what you mean by this girl you like having to wait on you until you can ejaculate. You ejaculating or having orgasms shouldn't be a requirement for getting to know someone, getting closer to someone, or dating someone. As well, whether or not someone you are dating is ready to be sexual with you or not -- or wants to be -- is much more likely to be about them and your relationship than it is about if you ejaculate or not. And most young people in their early teens don't even feel ready to non-sexually date yet - in 2026, very few -- especially girls -- will feel ready for sexual relationships, especially if they haven't already been with someone for a while. We can talk about your ideas or expectations about sex with partners anytime soon, if you like.
As I explain here, orgasm and ejaculation aren't the same thing. For people who have a penis, it's common for ejaculation to follow an orgasm, and often so soon after one it can feel like they're the same things happening at the same time, even though they aren't. But too, sometimes orgasm happens without ejaculation. Sometimes -- like with wet dreams -- ejaculation happens without orgasm.
Orgasm usually won't happen for someone unless they have first been very sexually excited (not half-hearted, like you said you were, or just from touching yourself out of curiosity or boredom or because you think you have to, for some reason), and then until and unless they have engaged those sexual feelings in some kind of physical activity that feels good for them, and that they can keep doing and that keeps feeling good while they do, to the point that it pushes them over the edge of those feelings of pleasure, basically. Both orgasm and ejaculation are also involuntary things the body does, so while many folks can learn things that often make one or both of those things happen for them, they're still not things a person can make happen, and when we try to, it tends to make them less likely to happen than when we are not thinking about orgasm or ejaculation and are instead just enjoying and experiencing pleasure in an open-ended way. Do you get what I mean?
If you're brand new to masturbation, you probably still need to explore and experiment with what feels good for you (and it doesn't have to only be about your penis: masturbation can involve touch to any part of our bodies that feels good, including a combination of parts), and to only do so when you're actually sexually aroused and when pleasure is what you're going for, rather than to try and make something happen because you're worried about future sexual partners. It could take you a few months or longer with this kind of experimentation with yourself to experience orgasm, and, if and when you're at that point in your physical development, ejaculation.
Does any or all of this help address your concerns? Do you want to follow up with any of what I said here or talk more about any part of it?
Ejaculation and orgasm aren't the same thing. I mention that in part because ejaculation tends to come for folks a little later in puberty than most people expect. Sure, some people with penises ejaculate earlier than your age, but many won't start until 14 or 15. I also want to make sure that you know that puberty doesn't usually stop at 18 for most people. 18 is a legal age of majority in most places, but that isn't based on puberty. For most people, puberty generally isn't all the way finished until the late teens or early 20s. It will be done for absolutely no one as early as by 14. For more on puberty and its timetables, you can check this piece out: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/bodies/ ... darn-close
I also want to make sure that you know that while many people who ejaculate enjoy how it feels, and while ejaculation may be exciting for many partners, sexual partners often won't be particularly invested in whether or not you ejaculate. They will generally be invested in you both enjoying yourselves, and feeling good, physically and emotionally together, and both feeling satisfied with however you've explored sexuality together. But at 14, 24 or 64, I want to make sure you don't put pressure on yourself around ejaculation, period, especially because you think it's something you have to do for partners.
I'm not sure what you mean by this girl you like having to wait on you until you can ejaculate. You ejaculating or having orgasms shouldn't be a requirement for getting to know someone, getting closer to someone, or dating someone. As well, whether or not someone you are dating is ready to be sexual with you or not -- or wants to be -- is much more likely to be about them and your relationship than it is about if you ejaculate or not. And most young people in their early teens don't even feel ready to non-sexually date yet - in 2026, very few -- especially girls -- will feel ready for sexual relationships, especially if they haven't already been with someone for a while. We can talk about your ideas or expectations about sex with partners anytime soon, if you like.
As I explain here, orgasm and ejaculation aren't the same thing. For people who have a penis, it's common for ejaculation to follow an orgasm, and often so soon after one it can feel like they're the same things happening at the same time, even though they aren't. But too, sometimes orgasm happens without ejaculation. Sometimes -- like with wet dreams -- ejaculation happens without orgasm.
Orgasm usually won't happen for someone unless they have first been very sexually excited (not half-hearted, like you said you were, or just from touching yourself out of curiosity or boredom or because you think you have to, for some reason), and then until and unless they have engaged those sexual feelings in some kind of physical activity that feels good for them, and that they can keep doing and that keeps feeling good while they do, to the point that it pushes them over the edge of those feelings of pleasure, basically. Both orgasm and ejaculation are also involuntary things the body does, so while many folks can learn things that often make one or both of those things happen for them, they're still not things a person can make happen, and when we try to, it tends to make them less likely to happen than when we are not thinking about orgasm or ejaculation and are instead just enjoying and experiencing pleasure in an open-ended way. Do you get what I mean?
If you're brand new to masturbation, you probably still need to explore and experiment with what feels good for you (and it doesn't have to only be about your penis: masturbation can involve touch to any part of our bodies that feels good, including a combination of parts), and to only do so when you're actually sexually aroused and when pleasure is what you're going for, rather than to try and make something happen because you're worried about future sexual partners. It could take you a few months or longer with this kind of experimentation with yourself to experience orgasm, and, if and when you're at that point in your physical development, ejaculation.
Does any or all of this help address your concerns? Do you want to follow up with any of what I said here or talk more about any part of it?
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