I swear this is a serious question.

[LopezMonty]

To begin, I'm not planning on doing anything with the knowledge I'm asking for anytime soon. For one, I need to work up courage. Two, I'm busy. Three, masturbation makes me dysphoric as hell, so I need to sort through that first.

Anyway, my question. If, as an adult, I am still living with my parents, how am I supposed to buy a sex toy? Or when to even use it? How do people even have sex lives if they're still living with their parents?

[KierC]

Hey LopezMonty

You know, it’s very possible to have a sex life while living with your parents. Do you think it’d be helpful if we list out some of your concerns and work through each of them here?

To start:

1. It sounds like masturbation is really dysphoric for you. How have you been feeling with that recently? Have you tried anything different from our suggestions?

2. Sex toys: These can be found in pharmacies and stores sometimes, so it may be worth checking out some stores near you to see if you can buy a toy in person. You could also buy a toy online and have it sent to a friend’s place, or have it delivered on a day when your parents aren’t home.

It’s also possible to make DIY sex toys if buying one isn’t an option for you! We have an article on our site that covers this topic: DIT Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition

3. In general, having a sex life when living with others is totally possible with a little planning around when they’ll be out of the house or sleeping. We also have another article that offers more advice: Deep Cover: Tips for Managing Anxiety or Privacy Concerns When Masturbating At Home

Are there times at home where you have more privacy? If not, how do you feel about going out and meeting people to hang out with outside of your home?

I’ll pause there for now, but do let me know how these suggestions land with you and I’d be glad to help more.

[LopezMonty]

I’ve found that using my mind as a primary form of sexuality has helped somewhat with my dysphoria, but only for a little while.
The moment I have to actually act on the arousal my mind has created, the moment I actually have to physically do something, I get dysphoric again.

I’m starting to think this is why so many of my fantasies involve someone else pleasing themselves in front of me. My body isn’t involved that way.

[Sofi]

So, actually, our primary sex organ is our brain. Arousal isn't something that just happens physically in our body, same as pleasure and orgasm - they start in the brain. So it makes perfect sense that you feel like your sexuality mostly lives in your mind. However, it sounds like when you try to physically act on it, your mind is also what's creating an obstacle there and blocking your possibility of experiencing pleasure. Do you feel like going into it, you're putting some pressure on yourself to feel a certain way or anything? Sometimes when we go into masturbating, or sex in general, with certain goals or expectations, it makes it a lot harder to physically get fully into it.

It also makes sense that's a recurring theme in your fantasies. I wonder if you could try to take small steps to involve yourself in whatever ways feel comfortable in your fantasies, until you feel more comfortable to actually try it again?