Dating women

[ghiblisirel]

I am bisexual but i dont think a girl could like me like that. I have always had the biggest crushes on women, never acted on them tho. I dont think ive ever had a woman crush on me. With men, they always ick me out and i hate how needy they are when they like me. I guess what i am saying is how can i change my mindset and be open to a lesbian relationship where its both ways not always unrequited? I just never feel enough for my girl crushes. I dont look particularly gay either so i was just wondering if anyone could help, where can i meet lgbtq people and start dating maybe. Or how can i look a little more approachable? Anyone even relate?

[Heather]

Hey there.

There's honestly no such thing as looking gay. Gay, lesbian, and other queer people look all kinds of ways, even though, of course, there are some ways of presenting that match some people's stereotypes. Plus, just looking some kind of way like that -- matching stereotypes -- generally won't do much when it comes to who will or won't approach us for dating.

No matter who we're interested in, gender-wise, we also often may experience that attraction or interest is one-way, whether it's only us feeling it or only someone else feeling it. You may not know about some guys who might have had crushes on you that didn't make it as obvious as it sounds like others have, but chances are that's already happened plenty without you being aware of it. It might already even have happened without your awareness with women.

Can you say more about why you think women won't share the interest in you you have in them? And more about this idea you aren't enough for women you like? And why you think you look unapproachable?

[ghiblisirel]

I just think women wont have much interest in me because there are much more fun and confident men that they usually hang with. From previous experience they have always gone with the guys. I guess its a lack of confidence in myself, im autistic and quite quiet around others. I mask so much that i guess i just dont think im approachable.

[KierC]

Hey there ghiblisirel,

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling with a lack of confidence. You’re not alone there, a lot of us also struggle with this (I have too) and I hear you how it makes you feel unsure of how someone might be attracted to you. It’s a really crummy feeling, for sure.

I know, though, that there are things about you that are worth admiring and sharing, and I bet there are people out there who have and will continue to want to be around you. Are there things you like about yourself that you can share here as practice?

I hear you, too, about masking and approachability. I do think, though, that this is more of a worry about being rejected than a true reason to be rejected or not approached. Know what I mean? I’ll say, too, not everybody likes the same kind of person, and you don’t have to be the loudest or most “fun-seeming” person in the room to attract people. How does hearing that make you feel?