How can I stop cumming when I think about my bf?

[Bethanie]

Occasionally, I cum after spending time with him or thinking about him. It makes me feel like I need to srsly calm down lol How can I keep myself from doing this? We don't even do anything sexual together. Like, we've not even kissed yet (why the heck am I cumming...?)!

[Sam W]

Hi Bethanie,

Is this happening without any kind of stimulation at all, or does it tend to happen if you're doing something riding your bike or driving back from where you were seeing him?

Too, it is possible to get very turned on by someone you're attracted to even if you're not doing anything sexual with them; our brains are a big part of how we experience arousal and pleasure, and sometimes all they need to feel that is being around someone.

[Bethanie]

Yes, no simulation at all. I guess just being with him is all I need lol

[Carly]

Hey Bethanie -- this is quite a unique situation. I'm wondering... is there a particular reason why you want to stop this from happening? Is it getting in the way of everyday activities?

[Bethanie]

No, it's just that I feel somewhat morally bad for it happening. We both want to take things slow (we've been together about two-and-a-half weeks and have no intentions of even kissing anytime soon) and we're very cute and cuddly rn, absolutely nothing beyond wholesome snuggling has taken place. So since our relationship is so innocent, I feel kinda dirty and naughty when I go to the ladies room afterward and there's cum in my panties for seemingly no reason.

[Sam W]

Hi Bethanie,

I think in that case, it can help to remember that there's nothing bad or dirty about being turned on by your partner, even when there's nothing sexual going on. It's just a part of experiencing attraction to someone, and it doesn't somehow invalidate the choices you two are making about taking things slow, you know?

[Bethanie]

Ok, thanks! That mindset helps.

[Sam W]

You're very welcome!

[Heather]

I also just want to check in to be sure we have your meaning right here.

Do you mean you are having orgasms (a nervous system event felt full-body), or do you mean you have more vaginal fluid than usual showing up with or after time with him?

If you mean the latter, which is what I expect you do, know that vaginal discharges are what you are seeing in your underpants. "Cum" or "cumming" is slang that is unfortunately very confusing, as it suggests anytime anyone's genitals secrete a fluid, it's about orgasm or sex, or that orgasm must have happened. In reality, orgasm and ejaculation are separate things, and both of those and vaginal discharges are also separate things.

Like Carly mentioned, if we feel sexually excited and have a vagina, then sometimes the vagina will secrete some lubrication. But we also have vaginal discharge as part of the menstrual cycle and part of the way the vagina cleans itself. So, what we see in underpants when we see some kind of fluid or dried fluid in them is usually part of those discharges, fluids from just feeling excited, or both. None of these are "naughty" or shameful -- they're just things bodies do, like salivating, farting or breathing!