feeling shame because of my religion

[naurmi008]

Hi! I've been schooled in a christian school my whole life and this school keeps instilling the thought of "anything sexual before marriage is BAD. porn is BAD. masturbation is SINFUL" and now that i'm experimenting more sexually (i.e. masturbating, dipping my toes in the waters of sexual activities with my bf), i can't shake the feeling of shame, fear, and guilt. Like whenever I masturbate, I feel like God will "punish" me someway (i'm not sure what potential "punishment" I'll get, but it's just an uneasy feeling i guess). Or when I'm engaging in risk-free sexual activities with my bf, I cannot feel calm afterwards because my extremely religiously wired brain comes up with every irrational reasoning that God will punish me by making me pregnant or getting an STD or something of the sorts. I know it doesn't make sense biologically but my school teachers keep emphasizing that "oh anything is possible with God !!" and it keeps me up at night. How do I stop this? I don't necessarily want to stop being religious but I don't want to keep feeling uneasy and "dirty" just by trying to explore my sexuality
Sorry this is so long! Thank you in advance! <3

[Sam W]

Hi naurmi008,

It can be so stressful when our belief systems lead us to feel like we're going to be punished for doing something sexual, including things that are by ourselves or without much, or any, risk. We actually have an entire series that addresses the ways in which religious shame around sex can lead to anxiety around sexual things, and I think some of the advice listed in them could be really helpful: Impurity Culture: Pregnancy and Fear,
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/poli ... uality_sin
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/poli ... s_selfcare