Scarleteen

Hey I have been having trouble waking up from school because I stay up too late and I keep sleeping through my alarms. Most of it is just because I want to go on my phone, other times it's because I need to finish homework. either way it sucks and it's hard to put down the phone sometimes.

I keep waking up late for school and my aunt created this new thing where nobody wakes me up for school so I can learn the real consequences of missing school in college. Then when I finally wake up, if there's still school, I need to go get ready and then see if anybody can take me. keyword IF. At first I thought this was a good idea, but now I keep waking up late and I can't stop my bad habit of staying up late.

I really want to go to school, I love school and I want to see my friends not be stuck in my house all day. It is also where I get my first two meals because our house usually struggles to have food that can be made into a meal for more than 2 weeks and when those 2 weeks are up it's usually just frozen food or pasta which I am tired of eating. I don't like most of the frozen food either. whenever I tell my aunt about how I don't have anything I want to eat, she just gets passive aggressive and starts talking about how there is food as if me not liking the food in the house is a personal attack on her. I remember a time where she told me that we never tell her anything to put on the shopping list which is a bit true, so I texted her what I wanted that night waiting for a response and got nothing. later when sunday came for church, I tried bringing it up again. I was the only one with her in the car, no music was playing, so she could hear me and respond. I got no response. it was obvious she was ignoring me. I tried speaking up multiple times to. I couldn't buy food for myself because doordash is expensive and I was running low on stuff.

I woke up late again and am typing this at home trying to contact my uncle to drive me because my aunt has patients she needs to tend to. Getting these absences that I cannot even excuse without lying (oversleeping does not excuse an absence) will effect my grade and in turn my scholarships. my grades already aren't doing so hot! My uncle isn't answering. Is this method of teaching me to wake up by myself good? how do I stop this habit of staying up late?

Hi there, ls2verice!

I'm so sorry that you're struggling with this and that your aunt and uncle aren't helping or listening to you. I want to start out by saying that having trouble waking up for school or going to bed early is so common for teenagers — our bodies have a natural rhythm that affects when we get tired and when we wake up (it's called the circadian rhythm, if you've heard of that) and when you go through puberty, that rhythm often shifts to later in the day. I personally think it's super unfair that school for teenagers often starts so early in the morning, because it means that a lot of high school students are sleep deprived.

I say all this because our culture really promotes the idea of it being better to be an "early bird" and that if you don't go to bed early and wake up early, you just don't have enough willpower, but science tells us that that's just not true at all. You can't force your body to go to sleep and if your body isn't producing the hormones that make you sleepy at the time you want to be falling asleep, you're going to have a really hard time sleeping! I think that your aunt and uncle's approach isn't really offering you help and support in solving this problem, because the issue isn't that you don't care about waking up on time and going to school, the issue is that you need help getting your body aligned with your school schedule.

It's true that some of the most important things you can do for your sleep health is not spending too much time on your phone late at night — not only does it keep you up because it's more interesting than sleeping, the light from your phone disrupts your circadian rhythm. It can be really beneficial to come up with a bedtime routine of things that are enjoyable and relaxing, like reading a book, taking a warm bath or shower, meditating or doing yoga, having herbal tea, etc. Can you think of anything that relaxes you that you could make part of your routine?

Another thing you could try is asking your aunt and uncle (and ideally also your doctor!) if you could try taking a sleep supplement on nights that you have to wake up early for school. Having that help to induce the feeling of sleepiness could make it easier to get a regular sleep schedule established.