Feeling guilty fantasizing about people I know

[kasra2000]

So I struggle with masturbation and I hear that thinking about a scenario would help with that. The only problem is that fictional chars don’t feel personal enough for me to have any particular feelings about, porn is too overacted, and the biggest one is that I feel disgusting fantasizing about partnered sex with someone else. It feels like I’m assaulting them with my mind which makes me feel guilty, ashamed, sometimes scared and anxious. Which definitely aren’t emotions I want while masturbating. I’d like help either with different options of what to do while masturbating or just how not to feel like a terrible person when I have a fantasy involving someone else (like a crush)

[Andy]

Hi there kasra2000!

I’m sorry to hear you are feeling bad about this. If it helps, you are not the only one struggling with this, this is a frequent topic when talking with our users, as you can see for yourself if you look through the boards history.

The thing is, you aren’t assaulting anyone, when there is assault, there is also a victim of it. In the case of fantasies there is none, as noone but you can be in any way affected by it unless you tell them. Which is actually what makes fantasies so amazing, we can explore and experience anything we want it them even if it isn’t possible in reality, we have full control over them and they have no consequences. Would you say that thinking about robbing a bank would make you guilty of actually doing that? Probably not, and the same goes for sexual fantasies, as long as they stay fantasies and are pleasurable for you, they are fine no matter what they are about. Does that make sense?

You talked about struggling with masturbation in your previous post as well. What exactly does that mean for you? And why do you want to masturbate even though it sounds like it doesn’t bring you any pleasure?