i cant orgasm without my kink

[emmyapple]

im 18, and afab (she/her)
this has been weighing on me heavily for years and i figured id ask

so i have a pretty intense piss kink, omorashi specifically if it helps. ive had it as long as i can remember, even when i was really little. i remember being maybe five or six and rewatching the part of a cartoon where someone had to pee. that wasnt an isolated incident, its always been like that.

i found porn when i was maybe nine or ten? but i only watched omorashi stuff.

i used to be completely disgusted with myself and drowning in guilt and self hatred about it. i didnt even know that what i was doing was sexual untill i was about thirteen. the guilt has subsided slightly as i got older and sex was more normal, but i still feel gross about it

basically the crux of my issue is that ive only ever orgasmed while watching/reading omorashi and wetting content. i can only get off by pulsing my bladder and grinding through my clothes with my palms . ive never had an orgasm "normally" and never without watching or reading something. if i try to masturbate the normal way, it genuinely just feels like rubbing any other body part.

im worried that if i ever have sex, it wont be enjoyable and i wont be able to orgasm without pee being my main thought/method of stimulation.

im probably a lesbian if that provides any useful context

ever since i became aware of what i was doing, ive just wanted to be able to orgasm normally, and have normal sexual thoughts, and feel less disgusting about it all.

[CaitlinEve]

Hi emmyapple, welcome to Scarleteen!

I think you'd be surprised by just how often we get posts like this. Your story is not uncommon (I hope that helps you feel better in itself); omorashi/piss kinks can often be traced back to childhood experiences. Kinks are inherently neutral; what IS a problem though is that you're unhappy with it. Though we can't tell you definitively whether or not you'll be able to enjoy sex without focusing on your kink, I think it's important to remember you're not the only one with this kink. If you WERE interested in exploring this more in future relationships, I'm sure you'd be able to find someone to engage with even if you struggle with sex seperate from omorashi. On the other hand, if it's causing you distress there are ways you can work towards not being as dependent on it for orgasm and arousal. I highly recommend checking out this NOCD article focused on 'unwanted' kinks: I'm Scared I Have An Unwanted Kink Or Fetish: What Can I Do?.

[AliahMaharaj]

Hi emmyapple,

I want to add that using the word “normal” here could be adding shame onto yourself unnecessarily, cause that implies that you’re “abnormal” for being interested in omarashi, and I promise you, you’re not.

There really isn’t a set list of what’s “normal” (I know how easy it is to get wrapped up in feeling like there is, though. I’ve been there too, so many of us have).
It’s really just a matter of doing what’s safe and comfortable, and not harming anyone (which you aren’t), it’s not about not meeting standards of what’s “normal” that have nothing to do with safety and only make us feel bad about ourselves.

As Caitlin said, if your thoughts about this are causing you distress, there are ways to navigate that going forward, but in situations like this, treating yourself like you’re doing something wrong can make things even more difficult for you, and nobody wants that.

[Lyle Lanley]

I hope you feel less alone by knowing that I have your exact same problem. I have the same kink (although not specifically omorashi) and I struggle getting off to anything different from it.