I never seem to feel satisfied even after many orgasms

[jepu]

Hello,

For many years now, I've been able to have multiple orgasms during one masturbation session. At first, it was only two or three, but i slowly built up the ability to orgasm around 15 times per session, though i average about 8 – that's usually the number at which I stop feeling arousal and/or cannot physically orgasm anymore. It also "lasts me" a week or two before I start feeling horny and motivated to masturbate again.

HOWEVER... A week ago, after a consultation with my doctor, I stopped taking antidepressants. It was supposed to be the kind that does not have any suppressive effect on your sexuality, but that wasn't true. The medication definitely made me feel less arousal, and made it really difficult to orgasm at times. I thought that could've also been caused by my mental illness, but no – when I was in the middle of switching between medications, and therefore slowly decreasing the dose of my former meds, there was a window during which I felt the amount of sexual excitement I used to feel before I had started taking antidepressants.

Now that I'm off the meds for good, I'm experiencing the same thing. I've started feeling horny every day, and masturbation feels nicer (it used to feel very tedious and not that comfortable before reaching the first orgasm). The problem is, there is no longer a limit on the orgasms I can have. The first two days, I had 20 orgasms, after which I had stopped, but only because I got quite bored. Then I took a break for a few days because I didn't have any time alone at home. Yesterday, I had 40-50 orgasms (too many to keep track), each took about a minute to achieve, including the refractory period. I stopped because I was dehydrated and also my leg muscles were hurting from the tensing up, but I still felt like I could keep going, in fact I was more aroused toward the end than at the beginning, and that arousal continued for hours afterwards.

I find it all very confusing. One the one hand, I'm of course very lucky to be able to achieve this many orgasms, and I like having them, so that's cool. On the other hand, I'm not sure if I can keep up with this. I know I don't have to masturbate every day and when I do, I can stop when I want, but I really miss feeling that feeling of satisfaction at the end, and getting a break from thinking about masturbation for some time. I'm also not sure if orgasming this much and often is fine for my body – perhaps it could cause a desensitization of the clitoris, or something to do with pelvic floor muscles? So yeah, these are the things troubling me.

I think some relevant info might be that I am most likely asexual and during the course of masturbation I have little to no sexual thoughts, I usually just watch a TV show or think about my interests.

[CaitlinEve]

Hey jepu!

So to start off; there's never been any proof that masturbation can cause desensitization of the clitoris or a chance in sexual response. As for pelvic floor muscles, it's honestly likely that you're strengthening yours with these activities.

That being said, the masturbation you describe is not INHERENTLY bad. What would be concerning is if you find your masturbation habits disrupting your life and taking over your every day life. You mention that masturbating in these sessions helps you take a break from thinking about it for some time. When you can't achieve satisfaction with the amount of orgasms you reach, does that affect your life negatively?

[Jacob]

Just to add, could you also consider shifting your intent with masturbation? It sounds like there was a certain feeling of "satisfaction" you had in the past which you're chasing now, however for some people orgasm is fun and exciting, but also something which leaves them more alert and stimulated, rather than simply "satisfied".

So do you think there could be space here for setting aside that "satisfaction seeking" from your masturbation? Maybe you could think about whether there are other things that can bring you a sense of calm self-satisfaction, from art-making to meditation?

[jepu]

Hi,
So, in the past, it would go like this: Whenever I started to feel aroused, which was (with some exceptions) only every week or two, it would continue through the whole day and wouldn't really stop until I "took care of it" by masturbating. Then I would feel physically satisfied and was "free" from feeling horny for some time.

I don't find masturbation to be unpleasant, but considering I don't ever want to have sex with anyone, and there are other things that bring me pleasure , I wouldn't mind never feeling horny. The arousal is not caused by anything/anyone specific, it's strictly physical, meaning it's not about mental satisfaction, which could be replaced by some other meaningful activities.

When I don't reach that "end moment" when orgasming, which for me means no longer feeling turned on, it definitely has a negative impact on my life. I then have a persistent feeling of this sort of tingly tension. It doesn't feel like how usual arousal feels to me, but it's still the feeling of being turned on and longing for masturbation. I find it very distracting and annoying

In theory, I wouldn't mind masturbating often, after some time the orgasms take very little time to reach, but it can cause my clitoris to hurt the next day, and also I don't have the space to do it very often, as there isn't much time where I'm alone in the house and my bedroom door cannot be locked. But it's just exhausting when in the end I feel even more turned on than in the beginning...

[HannahP]

Hi Jepu. That does sound frustrating! One of the very annoying parts about being a human (or probably just being alive!) is that our bodies are always changing and we have to relearn how to deal with them. It's so tough when you have a routine that works great and then something changes and it doesn't work anymore!

Since masturbating and/or orgasming hasn't been working to relieve your feeling of arousal, I wonder if it might be time to experiment with the opposite approach. For some people, having sexual experiences can turn into a kind of positive feedback loop — you orgasm, it feels good, your brain craves more of that feeling, you feel more aroused. Instead, would you be open to trying to redirect your arousal in a nonsexual way? Often, feelings of sexual desire will eventually fade if we don't engage with them, like with a craving or an itch. Doing something nonsexual but still physical could be helpful for this (like exercising) or just something that you find very distracting, so it absorbs your mind and you pay less attention to your body. Does that sound like something you could try?

[Heather]

I also want to add something.

What we know about sexual satisfaction, specifically, from both anecdote and broad study, is that orgasm not only isn't the only thing that creates sexual satisfaction for people, it isn't necessarily even at the top of the list. Now, a lot of the time these studies involve relationships, rather than being focused on solo sex, but I suspect that if the study were just on solo sex we'd see some similar outcomes.

The things most strongly associated with feelings of overall sexual satisfaction besides physical functions like desire, arousal and orgasm are things like spontaneity, creativity, a feeling of connectedness (which could be about connectedness to yourself and your sexuality, when not about a partner), responsiveness, self-esteem and positive body image, a lack of guilt and anxiety, social support (in general, not just with or about sex), and generally good mental health.

A focus on orgasm also always tends to NOT be associated with feelings of sexual satisfaction or satisfying sexual experiences.

I do suspect that some of why this doesn't feel as satisfying is perhaps that you are just overdoing it, which Cat also touched on a little bit. It's hard to feel satisfied by things that feel very routine and like we do them over and over and over. We lose some of those things in the list up there when we do, too. I would say that running an experiment of sorts over the next few weeks or months where you simply masturbate a whole lot less -- and maybe really get all the way into it more when you do, like setting aside some real time, let's say no more than once a day, if that often, to draw it out and focus more on pleasure and less on orgasm -- might net you some good results.

That might mean you may need to get used to that feeling of tingly tension instead of looking to masturbation to quell it or turn it off: I'd say that is something most people can and do learn to do, if that helps give you confidence around that.