First time?

[Chellmers]

I’m traveling to see my girlfriend In just over a month and we plan on having sex for the first time (we’re both afab lesbians:)!!) and I was wondering if there’s anyway to make her more physically comfortable when it happens? We plan on getting lube and we always communicate but I was wondering if I’m missing anything? I know it’ll probably hurt a bit because she’s never been fingered but I wanna cause the least amount of pain possible:(!! Her Hyman is still intact and I’ve heard it normally hurts when it’s broken. Thank you in advance

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards, Chellmers!

You know, it's not actually normal for someone to feel pain when it comes to contact with or inside of their vagina. It's common, for sure, but that's not because of that anatomy so much as that things like people feeling scared or not using loube or being too rough are so common.

When we come to that body part and someone and listen to them telling us what feels good and doesn't, and are gradual in the way we explore, asking for that feedback, when we remember that tissue is delicate, so we need to be generous with lube and patience? Then it won't usually cause anyone pain or discomfort. Same goes for when they have a partner being as considerate and considered as you are. <3

I also want to add that her hymen probably is not still intact in the way you or she are thinking. Does she have menstrual periods? If so, then her hymen has probably already eroded plenty -- as they do, they gradually wear away over time throughout our lives, they aren't like a film on a bottle someone breaks to open -- to will be flexible like that tissue and rest of the tissue around the vaginal opening is. Again, hymens aren't usually "broken" outside things like injury from sexual assault, and pain caused with first or any times with this stuff usually isn't about that, it's about things liek fear and lack of lube and care. For more on that, you can check out: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/bodies/ ... urround-it

A bunch of years ago I wrote a piece with one of my favorite colleagues about the things to think about when you're doing something where you're going inside someone else's body parts that might give you some of those extras you're looking for: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sex-sex ... ette-entry

[Chellmers]

Thank you so much !! That makes me fee a lot better 🩷 I had no idea about the information with the Hyman thank you!! I was taught something completely different thank you

[KierC]

Hey Chellmers,

I’m so glad to hear this was helpful! Feel free to reach back out if you have any more questions or would like more support.

[Heather]

So, so many people keep being taught very antiquated and long-known-to-be-wrong-by-the-people-with-power-who-uphold-it information about the hymen and other parts of the vulva and vagina. It's not just you who had it wrong, I promise!