JEALOUSY?

[BabyTammy]

Well. My parents are divorced. I don’t look like them. My dad is dark skinned while my mom is a bit lighter. I used to think that I resembled my dad cuz I’m dark too buh everywhere I go all his friends praise my light skinned sister saying she’s his carbon copy with so much awe and they say nothing to me. Same as my mom, they say she looks like my mom too without saying anything to me. It hurts. When my dads mad at my sister, he calls and all and we talk but once they make up it’s like he forgets me. My mom was careless Enough to say that I care so much about my dad who doesn’t care about me. No one understands how I feel. Everywhere I go people ask about my sister how she’s doing. She gets so many compliments while I get none . No one asks about me. Maybe it’s cuz she’s older or she’s prettier. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister. But there was a time no one cared about me, she was the only one people wanted to see. Now I’m older and look a bit better, and a few people check in once in a while. I read a note on my dads phone that said he wasn’t sure I was his child and that he wanted to run a DNA test on me. (This happened a very long time ago but it still hurts to think about.) I work hard in school, score high, suck up to my dad’s yelling an discipline yet, it’s like it doesn’t matter. Now I’ve grown to have an attitude and I talk to people based on how I feel, and everyone wants to attack me saying I have a bad attitude and I need to change. I’m just tired. And yes, I’ve tried talking to my dad . He’s a Nigerian father who believes in discipline and he said I’m worrying my head with unnecessary nonsense.

[KierC]

Hi there BabyTammy

I am sorry to hear that you’ve had these painful experiences with how people in your family and your life treat you in comparison to your sister in the eyes of your dad and others. From what you’re describing, it sounds like this has been painful for you for awhile. I’m glad you’re here with us and can talk about how you’re feeling. We’re here to listen and provide support. <3

I hear you mentioning your appearance compared to your sister’s. I can appreciate how painful it can be to compare yourself to another person, especially someone so close to you, and I can also appreciate how it can be hard not to compare yourself. I’m wondering what it would look like for you to differentiate yourself in a positive way. Are there things you really like about yourself that are unique to you?

I also hear you saying that nobody understands how you feel; that can feel so isolating, and I am sorry that you’re having these experiences that make you feel this way. It sounds to me like you want to be accepted, cared for, and loved; all of which you deserve. It also sounds like there are dynamics within your life right now that are making you feel the opposite. Do you have an idea of what type of support from us might be most helpful for you right now?

[BabyTammy]

Well, I just need maybe articles on self acceptance and confidence.

[CaitlinEve]

We can definitely provide those for you! To start, here are a few you may want to check out.

1. Be Your Own Superhero: Learning How And When To Stand Up For Ourselves
2. How To Embrace Self-Acceptance
3. How To Actually Date Yourself (this article mentions at the beginning that it's 'for' single individuals, but I do think the tips in it would be helpful to you!)
4. How To Gain Confidence: Proven Tips For Developing And Building Self-Assurance

[BabyTammy]

Thank you very much