I'm 14 and I think I'm ready but I'm scared

[Angeldoll19xoxo]

Hi I just turned 14 last November I've never been on a forum like this but I'm too scared to go to my mom or ask any of My older friends,I met this boy who's my boyfriend we've only been friends the whole year of school and are just now dating after graduating from 8th grade so we've only been dating for 3 and a half weeks or so, we've been doing sex calls and flirting and we want to have sex but I'm having mixed feelings I want to do it, but at the same time I'm scared of getting pregnant or having a std and I also feel like I should save it until I'm 18 or older, I don't know what to do and I don't want to let him down after already talking up about it

[Latha]

Hi Angeldoll19xoxo - welcome to the boards!

You know, if I had a partner who wasn’t fully sure about doing something sexual with me, I would want them to tell me instead of going through with something they were not ready for. This is because any good partner would care more about your safety and comfort, and they would know that waiting until everyone feels sure makes it so much more likely that sex will be pleasurable.

I’m hearing is that you have a partner you like, but the prospect of having sex is making you feel a bit scared. If that is the case, it is probably best to wait until you two feel fully comfortable and prepared. You don’t have to have sex just because you’ve talked about it.

I understand why you’re worried about letting your boyfriend down, but ultimately, it is his job to manage his feelings if you say no. Not having sex with you won’t actually hurt him, but having sex you are not ready for could very well hurt you and hurt your relationship together. Does this make sense?

Your next steps here would be to talk to your boyfriend and put a hold on any plans to have sex. If you are comfortable, you can continue to flirt and call — otherwise, you are allowed to stop doing that as well.

If you would like, we can help you think about what kinds of sex you might want to have in the future, and how you might manage the risk of pregnancy and STIs. Something to remember is that these risks are not only your responsibility — they are something that you and any partner you have should take on together.

Here are some resources that might help you:

• Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

• Whoa, There! How to Slow Down When You're Moving Too Fast

• Hello, Sailor! How to Build, Board and Navigate a Healthy Relationship

[Angeldoll19xoxo]

Thank you Ms Latha! This made me feel alot better and confident to tell him, when he wakes up I'll definitely ease in and ask about it^^

[Sofi]

So glad that was helpful! Please let us know if you have any more questions or want help navigating the conversation. <3