Is it normal to feel dirty after touching myself?

[Xx_Peanut_xX]

Im not sure of this is just me but whenever I touch myself I feel absolutely dirty and kinda feel like a h0.. I can't help it. I want to touch myself and idk why but when I think about it, do it, and after I'm done I always feel disgusted in myself... is this normal?

[Sofi]

Hi there, welcome to the boards.

I want to start by asking you to use different terms than ones used to shame women who enjoy sex, such as "ho". We're supportive of everyone, women very much included, having and enjoying sex (partnered and solo), so it's almost offensive to us staff and volunteers to use those terms around something like masturbation. Not to mention, it's obviously shaming yourself, which we don't want you to do.

That said, I understand there's shame here that probably started a while back, which I'd like to ask you about. Where did you hear the messaging that masturbation is bad/"dirty"? Was this something your family has said to/around you, or something your peers say? I'd like to start at the root of these beliefs.

There's nothing wrong, dirty or disgusting about masturbation. It's perfectly natural to do, and there's nothing shameful about it. It isn't "not normal" to feel the way you do, to answer your question. Unfortunately many people have internalized shame around sex that comes from religious evironments, or strict households, or just society in general.

But let's start with where you first heard this was "dirty" and/or WHY you feel like it is?

[Xx_Peanut_xX]

Sorry for using that term I didn't want to offend anyone- but no, i haven't been told anything about masturbation being dirty or whatnot. I just feel ashamed and disguised myself whenever I want to/am doing it/ after im done doing it.. idk why :C

[Latha]

Hello Xx_Peanut_xX

No worries! All that matters is that you know not to use such terms here.

When we’re struggling with shame around sexuality, I think it often helps to intentionally develop a sense for why we don’t need to feel ashamed. It’s about finding a set of arguments and ideas that you are sure about, so you can return to them whenever negative feelings pop up.

When you notice these feelings of disgust and shame, what goes through your mind? What does masturbating imply about you, according to these feelings?

[Xx_Peanut_xX]

Im not really sure how to answer that, but I'll try to write it down, sorry if it doesn't make much sense. When I feel ashamed/disgusted in myself whenever I masturbate kinda confuses me. I know masturbation is normal and everyone does in in their lives, but I just feel disappointed. Like I feel the need to even though I dont. And if I dont do it, I can't stop thinking about it till it's done. So I do feel guilty and ashamed whenever I have sexual thoughts or masturbate (and when im done masturbating even though ik I said this like 3 times already)

[Sofi]

So the thing is that, as you mentioned, masturbation is normal and natural - so no one is just born thinking it's disgusting or shameful. Those are beliefs we learn from someone or somewhere, whether it's our family, friends, social media, church, etc. Finding the root is a big step towards undoing that shame and guilt. You can read more about that here: Undoing Sexual Shame

Let me know your thoughts after reading through those steps. Can you remember where you received the messages that masturbation is wrong or dirty? How did writing the positive list feel?