Am i doing it right?

[ilovecats8]

Hello im 16, and ik im probably too young to be worried about this but im hypersexual and its kinda hard to deal with tendencies when i cant even do it. So..i tried masterbating again..and it really hurts, my girlfriend does it all the time and talks as if its normal(well it is normal obviously) and stuff, but idk how i can talk to her about it(im too embarrassed to talk about it.) like ive never orgasmed or put anything up there and ive tried putting a finger in but it really hurts..is it usually like that tight or am i putting it in the wrong hole(can i even put it in the wrong hole?)im not sure, im just not confident. If we do get intimate i know i wont be confident to do anything because im not sure how to do anything. Ive never really pleasured myself, so im not sure if im doing it right...It hurts when i try to put my finger up there, and just ruins my mood completely after.

[maille]

ilovecats8,

Howdy! I'm glad you are here!

I hear you referring to yourself as 'hypersexual'. I've heard that term thrown around quite a bit lately. Before labeling yourself as too much of anything, I'd encourage you to ask yourself 'Is this interfering with my day to day life?' 'Am I still able to get what I need to do done daily?'. I hope after you answer those questions you come to the realization that you are not too much of anything and there isn't anything to worry about here in that regard!

As far as if you are doing it 'right', I want to start off by saying there is not a one size fits all right way. As we get to know our bodies and our partners' bodies better, it turns out we all like different things. So although there is no right way, there are some things that are true of the female anatomy. Maybe check out this read: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/bodies/ ... every-body for more on that!

It sounds like you want to experience orgasm and the pain from insertion is really discouraging. I do not want you to give up. Orgasm does not have to be the end goal of sex, but it is really cool thing to experience. And I am sure you will one day! To start self pleasuring, you need to figure out what kind of sensations bring you pleasure. Sounds like we can cross insertion of fingers off the list for now. I wonder if you could focus on more external parts of your body that you can read about in the link above.

As far as talking to your girlfriend goes, I hope you get to a place where you feel comfortable enough with yourself and your partners to give talking about pleasure a go. We have this helpful guide for those sorts of convos: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/relatio ... ex-partner .

Try not to beat yourself up. This is a time of self exploration and I would hate to see you give self judgement all the power. Give these a read and let me know what you think!

[Tara]

Hi, ilovecats8:

Thanks for reaching out! Luckily, there are several different ways you can masturbate if any particular way is discomforting to you. Check out this article that details different methods for masturbating: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sex-sex ... masturbate?

Masturbation can also be a fun journey of its own! You can experiment doing it differently to find your favorite way or to get to know your preferences and body better. Check out this article on allowing curiosity to guide your masturbation journey: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sex-sex ... sturbation.

I'm sorry to hear that it is painful when inserting anything into your vagina, but that is also not uncommon for some women. Again, it may take some exploration with different methods before finding comfortability with it, and even if you never do, that is okay too. I found a post that talks more about vagina size fluctuations with regards to sex and it in there is another link to an article that discusses demystifying painful sexual intercourse: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/bodies/ ... -size-real,

Reaching orgasm is also different for everybody and not everyone experiences it through the same methods. While orgasm never has to be the goal in your sexual experiences (you can still experience and share pleasure with another without it), here are some tips that may be helpful to help with orgasm: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sex-sex ... nder-women.

I hope some of these resources help! Happy to talk more about this with you, or help answer any questions you may have from the articles.