Scarleteen

For some background, I'm an 18y/o afab nonbinary person who has been on testosterone for over 2 years and birth control for about 5 years.

Basically, I've always had issues with penetration and stuff when masturbating but back then I just figured it was because I'm a virgin. What brought this more to my attention was that I had been on birth control to stop my period since I started it due to extreme cramps and I more recently stopped taking it since I'm now on a high enough dose of T that it reduces my pain and bleeding, but when I first stopped taking it, I was experiencing extremely heavy bleeding and attempted to use a tampon for the first time when I realized that I was basically incapable of inserting it, it just wouldn't go in and it was extremely painful. This made me start looking into why I can't fit anything larger than a finger inside without pain and it seems like vaginismus is probably the answer. I'm not exactly sure on a cause, but it probably has something to do with a traumatic medical experience when I was really young which has influenced me subconsciously in a lot of ways my whole life. The fact that I'm on T probably also doesn't help since it stops me from producing much lubrication and stuff.

I don't really know what to do and I'm at a place in my life where it's really hard for me to see a doctor since I just moved out for a job where I literally live in the woods 30+ miles away from the nearest town and I can't drive, don't have a lot of money, and I don't even know what my insurance from my job will cover. What should I do? Obviously vaginismus isn't going to kill me or anything, but I'm concerned about how it will effect things like my sex life in the future. Any advice is appreciated

Hi there gingersn4p! Welcome to our boards.

We can't confirm a diagnosis of vaginismus here, but I will say that what you're describing (pain and difficulty with insertion) makes a lot of sense given your traumatic past experience and the way that testosterone is likely affecting your body. We get a lot of people here who are experiencing similar things — you're definitely not alone!

I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but I do think that seeing a gynecologist is an important next step. Not only can a gynecologist confirm whether what you're experiencing is vaginismus (as there can be other causes for painful/difficult insertion), but also the typical treatments for vaginismus, like pelvic floor therapy and counseling, are best done with the supervision of a professional.

That being said, it's completely okay to wait until you have the ability to see a doctor. The important thing is that you stop doing anything that causes you pain (so take a break from trying to insert anything) until you can be seen by a professional. I totally get that it's unsatisfying to wait now that you have a good idea of what the problem is, and that you have some worries about how this might affect you in the future. But I do also want to say that you can have a rich and pleasurable sex life (either solo or with a partner) that doesn't involve any insertion, and that in the majority of cases, just a few months of treatment can cure vaginismus. So if your life circumstances mean that you need to wait to be treated, I don't think that means that your future sex life will be significantly impeded.

If we focus on what you're experiencing now, does taking a break from insertion or anything else that triggers this pain seem like a good temporary solution? How does that idea sound to you?