Scarleteen

Hey! I have a boyfriend of 3 months (we’ve been talking for about 5 months before that though) who I feel very comfortable with and we are both interested in trying to bring our relationship to the next level given that we both are pretty horny. Each time we see each other it goes in steps; firstly, it was just making out, groping and a bit of dry humping, next it was actually taking off our shirts and really touching but never under the belt, then it was just underwear, and recently he’s started touching me over and under my underwear, but *down below* iykwim. I’ve done the same, but not under his underwear yet because I was a bit stressed (he understood and didn’t mind<3) but ever since we parted (about a week ago), for sone reason I’ve been thinking about blowing him and like, it even makes my mouth water?? I don’t understand why because if I’m not really ready to touch it, why do I want my mouth on it so much? Also, I’ve always thought it was a bit disgusting and looked a bit difficult and not enjoyable, so why do I suddenly don’t mind at all and am even excited to do it?

Hi Emmy, and welcome to Scarleteen! I’m so glad you’re here.

It sounds like you and your boyfriend have been slowly getting more comfortable doing more sexual activities with each other, and it sounds like he’s been understanding of you when you don’t want to go further. I’m glad to hear that he was understanding!

You know, it’s totally normal for sexual desires to change! Especially since you’re getting started exploring sexual activity, it makes a lot of sense why you’d develop an interest in doing another sexual activity, especially when you feel comfortable with him. In general, it’s much easier to become excited by the idea of doing something when you’re feeling relaxed and comfortable with someone, and it sounds like that might be the case for you. Did I understand you correctly there?

It’s also totally okay if you have an interest in doing certain things and not others. For example, you mentioned that you don’t feel comfortable touching it, but you have an interest in oral. You get to choose which sexual activities you do or not, and it’s totally within your right to say that you want to do certain things and not others. However, you may want to know that oral sex may actually involve some touching as well, so if you are uncomfortable with touching, that’s something to consider before trying oral sex. Does that make sense?

One thing I want to mention, though, is that sometimes we can have a desire to do something that we may not be comfortable actually doing yet, and that we may not be ready to do yet. It’s important to listen to that, especially when you may not feel ready. So, you mentioned that you may not feel ready to touch it, but that you have a desire to try oral. Would you say, apart from the desire to do it, that you feel comfortable doing it and ready to do it?

Lastly, I wanted to send you this resource we have on our site that I think would be helpful for you to go through. It’s a “sex readiness” checklist, and I’ve found it to be a really helpful tool for making sure you have what you need to be comfortable and ready before exploring sexual activity: The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist