first time questions

[Scotty231]

So I'm 16 trans man and my boyfriend whos also a trans man 17 yrs old have been dating for roughly 4 months now, and I know he's been ready and I think I will be as well but I have some questions. my house isnt very open to talking about sex and used to track what i googled and such so I was always too scared to do much research cause if I got caught I'd be in trouble. Now that I'm 16 though and have my own license and my trashy little hand me down car I can drive and maybe figure stuff out for once.
One of my questions is if I could buy toys and if so where? I dont know anywhere honestly that sells them and I feel like itd be pretty awkward to have someone check me out when buying that stuff
I know where to get lube but I guess besides that i was wondering if there was anything else that would make doing just sexual stuff in general more enjoyable

I also have ptsd from like past sexual situations so im a little worried when we start im gonna panic or have to back out and I really dont want that to happen

[Latha]

Hi there, Scotty231 — welcome to the boards! These are good questions, and we would be happy to help you figure them out.

One of my questions is if I could buy toys and if so where?

Yes, you can purchase sex toys, even though you are not eighteen yet. You won’t be able to visit a sex shop, but there are department stores and pharmacies that sell some toys — they’re usually located in the same part of the shop that has condoms and lube. If you can receive your own packages, you could also look into buying online from a reputable site. Whatever you do, you will have to keep an eye out for toys that are made of safe materials and are of good quality. Make sure to do some research for any toy that you want to buy.

If it would feel too awkward to have a cashier check you out, you could look for stores with the option to check out on your own. But you might not have to worry about this. Cashiers are just doing their jobs, and have probably seen people buy everything their store sells. They shouldn’t and probably won’t think too much about your purchases. Buying a sex toy isn’t all too different than buying hygiene products or underwear - personal, but not something you can be judged for.

You could also look into our guides to DIYing sex toys, for solo and partnered sex. (+ strapping edition)

Hmmm, if I had to think of any other general tips… being prepared to have safe sex can make it easier to enjoy yourself without worries. Also, we often say that a lot of pleasure is about what happens in your mind — try to balance open and curious exploration with being attentive to how you are feeling. Experiment, but don’t push yourself to do things that feel too uncomfortable.

It is so understandable that you don’t want to have to back out with your partner. I mean, nobody plans to panic in situations like this. But if you know you might need support, I would advise talking to your partner about your concerns. You don’t have to go into detail if you don’t want to — it would be enough to tell him what you’ve told us here. That way, you’ll be able to plan for how he can best support you, and he’ll be more able to respond well if you need to take a break.

I hope you know that this isn’t something to be ashamed of. Having sex is always vulnerable on some level, and people panic and need breaks even when they don’t have trauma around sex. If you needed to pause, it wouldn’t be ideal because you would be in pain, but it would not mean that you have made things worse for the two of you. Supporting people we care about when they struggle is an expected part of any relationship. Try to start slow and actively communicate about how you are feeling. That way, it will be easier to dial it back if things are overwhelming.

P.S. I know I’ve given you a couple articles to read already, but I want to offer two more resources of ours. The first is our sex readiness checklist, which should be a thorough overview of what you can do to prepare. The second is an advice column on exploring sex after a traumatic experience.

I hope this helps. Let us know if you have any more questions!

[Scotty231]

Thank you for the information!

[KierC]

You are welcome! Feel free to let us know if you have any more questions or would like any support!