Im lesbian but.....?

[2kEgklitter000]

Im lesbian (or so i think....) but i also do have sexual attraction towards men but not like i do with women, ive allways believed i was lesbian because i could only imagine myself trusting a woman or being in a relationship with a woman one on one sexually but also while im not sexually attracted to men in a conventional way i cant deny that in some way i kind of am.....you see im not attracted to the idea of one man or a relationship with a man or even a m+m+f threesome, i am extremely aroused by the idea of 2 men who are sexually attracted to eachother and intimate with eachother but also with me.....and you see i dont know what that means because i dont consider myself bisexual because theres conditions to my attraction and i feel like theres such loopholes my mind has that makes it so hard for me to figure shit out and while yes i could be unlabeled i still just crave to know like what youd even call that. No i dont see myself ever with 2 men who arent intimate with eachother nor do i see myself with multiple women or with 2 women and a man i absolutely hate those ideas so im just lost.

[Latha]

Hi there, 2kEgklitter000 -- welcome to the boards!

If it is any comfort, the way you describe your attraction doesn't seem strange at all to me, and I think you are far from the only person who has trouble with this, just because of the way language works. There is so much variation in the way people experience their sexuality -- single words like bisexual or lesbian can be useful, but they don't always capture all of that complexity on their own.

i still just crave to know like what youd even call that

As I see it, you wouldn't be wrong if you described yourself as bisexual or as a lesbian, because both of these terms have space for your experience. You don't have to like women and men in the same exact way to be bisexual, so there are plenty of bisexual people who might describe feeling more attraction to one gender, and feeling attracted to another under certain 'conditions', as you say. And there are also people who think of themselves as lesbians because they are mostly attracted to women, even when there are exceptions. With questions like this, I think what matters most is what feels right to you and what helps you communicate with other people. You could use different words in different situations, and explain your feelings in more detail when necessary.

How does this sound to you?

[2kEgklitter000]

That does help a bit because in all reality i dont need to prove myself to anyone other than my own self and i already know how i feel so i dont exactly need to stress on a specific term or label. Part of me feels that there is a certain extent that i just dont identify with bisexuality because in my mind unlike people who are bisexual or straight or just have a less complex attraction to men with less conditions i feel ive never tried to impress men or get any sort of validation from them i purely just only live for the female gaze and women in general my life has so little to do with men i havent even had a male friend in years because they either expect me to let sketchy comments slide and not see through the weird stuff or are used to being treated a certain way by people who give a shit what they think and thats just not how i live. I feel i could only identify as a lesbian unless needing to go into further detail because i would not want people to interpret me as anything else because for 95% of my being i am and placing a bisexual label on the weird little conditions i have would just be misleading to me as an individual

[maille]

2kEgklitter000,

I am so glad Latha's response was helpful!

I love that you have identified that you do not need to prove yourself to anyone. Knowing yourself is enough! If you feel best represented by the term 'lesbian', then I say stick with it. And if that happens to change down the line, we can reassess then.

Labels will forever be difficult because how can we tie up such complex feelings into one or two words! But I am glad you are getting comfortable and finding what works for you.

Best of luck!