Scarleteen

I’m 17, I’d say I’m pretty sexually active and been masturbating for a long time in different ways and have tried toys too. But lately, everything I do just seems boring or not really satisfactory anymore. I sometimes think it’s because I do it too often, so I would stop for a week or two before I try again, and usually I do feel horny within that time of restriction but when I finally come around to do it I get so turned off.

I’ve never had any sexual interactions with other people though, or any romantic relationships. Well I tried sexting with a stranger my age on a website once and I thought that was really enjoyable, but the issue is that it’s a person who lives across the world from me you know?

I want to try casual experimenting with others if that makes sense. Like mutual agreement to certain things like making out, foreplay, mutual masturbation, dry humping, or oral sex. I wouldn’t go as far as actually having sex though, just someone who is also inexperienced with physical stuff and wants to try first things out together to see what feels good.

I’m open to anyone really, but I have no idea how to find someone who is alright with these terms. I understand how sensitive sexual topics are and how it can potentially impact relationships or friendships, so it’s complicated. I have a lot of friends but it’s way too embarrassing to ask one of them because I don’t know how they would feel or if that would cross the line in our friendship.

Where can I find people that would be willing to try stuff with me? Or is there anything I can do or will I just have to wait for someone?

Thank you for reading I would greatly appreciate some advice T_T !!!!!!

Hi, Mo2455:

It's pretty normal to go through different cycles related to your sexuality, including ebbs and flow in masturbation choices and desires. Now that you are interested in having sexual experiences with others, I can see how possibilities and opportunities can seem overwhelming or even fearful. But I support your desire for wanting to take a next step and admire that you are making this choice thoughtfully.

I like your idea of experimenting with friends and considering asking their comfortability with experimenting together because they should hopefully be the trusthworthy people in your life. This could be a more comforting experience as a first-timer than random hook-ups with strangers. But I do acknowledge your concern that crossing those boundaries with friends may bring new dynamics to the relationship that are complicating. You could casually bring up the topic to a trusted friend you want to experiment with in a way that is not threatening or suggests that you are proposing the idea with that person. Just to get a sense if your friends are even open to the idea.

As far as meeting others with the hope of having sexual experiences, you may want to ask yourself what motivations or desires you have for relationship. Are you only looking to have sexual experiences, or would you like to have other experiences as well - like friendship, emotional intimacy, etc.? That might help drive how and who you are looking to meet. If you are desiring something more than sex, you might want to focus on cultivating actual friendships or dating relationships that can then include sex when it is time or appropriate. If you are seeking relationship too, then there are many ways you can meet others, whether that is through joining interest groups, going out to places where you are around similar people, or trying online dating.

Since you are thinking about doing some first-time exploring and going through some changes with your sexuality, I found a well-rounded article I think might be helpful for you.

10 of the Best Things You Can Do for Your Sexual Self (at Any Age)
https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sex-sex ... lf-any-age

I hope this helps!

Thanks so much! You’re right I should probably consider how I feel about relationships as well. I read most of the article, and I think I’ll just let things fall into place with time. I appreciate your response!

Hi Mo2455,

It is great that what Tara suggested was helpful! I also think it is a great idea to take things slow rather than putting pressure on jumping into a sexual relationship right away.

I also wanted to share some articles with you that may be useful in navigating any sexual relationships in the future.

Hello, Sailor! How to Build, Board and Navigate a Healthy Relationship

Supermodel: Creating & Nurturing Your Own Best Relationship Models

I want to just also add something here: because sexual partners mean whole other people with their own wants and needs, with their own boundaries, with their whole own selves who you will need to treat like whole people, not just something to explore, seeking out sexual partnership because you are bored with masturbation often isn't a particularly great motivation. It just doesn't tend to leave a lot of space or consideration for the other person as a whole person.

Are you actually interested in sexual connections and relationships with other people, not just with seeking them out because you feel bored alone? I think it's really important to ask yourself that and answer yourself honestly. If it's just about being bored masturbating, you probably just aren't going to be able to be a particularly safe or caring sexual partner for someone, you know?