Scarleteen

Hi, I like to buy my partner things and foods sometimes, my parents would like to give him and/or his family things and foods as well, but for some reasons he had told me, he always refused. He always said:
- you don't have to, it's okay
- keep your money for something else, just get something for yourself
- no, I don't want to, you don't have to, it's okay
- I don't want to be a bother, it's okay

But I wanted to, and I can. But he always do that, he never told me to stop either. I just... don't understand. I think, it's one of many ways I do to show that I care, sharing foods/things.

This happened once: I was at a fair, and I told him I wanted to get his Mother some foods from the fair, so I asked him what would she like me to get for her. He said "no, you really don't have to, it's okay" over and over again, for three-four times, and the fifth time I asked and reassured him that it's okay, I got it, I wanted to get her something because I can, I want to.... He just said "whatever" and ignored my text for an hour or so, when he text back, he apologized.

I just don't understand. Sometimes he's fine with it, sometimes he isn't. Am I being pushy and annoying? I am, I know and I understand, but I just don't get why he's so against it. I never even asked for some kind of a payback, never. I do it because it makes me happy that I could share.

Also, it hurts and makes me sad sometimes when he do that, and also sometimes when I tell him that my parents wanted to share some foods with him and he refused. I just don't get it. He's been like this since the beginning that we got together, I always told him that it's okay, and I don't want him to give me anything in return because I'm not asking for anything.

Am I being a pain in the butt for this? Am I pressuring/forcing him? Should I have a serious talk with him about this?

Hi avaanti!

I think sometimes people struggle to accept gifts and other acts of service because they don't want to feel like they are burdening their loved ones or they've been socialized to be super polite and always reject offerings like you are making. I know it can be frustrating when you are on the other side of that and you know your intentions are genuine.

I don't think you're being a pain, I think you and your boyfriend might just have been socialized differently around gift giving/spending money on other people (or maybe spending money in general?).

I think it would be worth talking to him about how you're feeling about this and also give him a chance to explain why you buying things for him/giving him things makes him uncomfortable. Is having a talk with him about this something you'd want to do? Do you want to talk through how to approach it with him?