Scarleteen

Hello, I have a question about proper sexual boundaries and what counts as a public or private space.

I like to read fanfiction and some of that includes smut or suggestiveness. To be clear I don’t always do this for arousal and I sometimes do this for comfort or to fall asleep (listening to audios). I also do not masturbate when I do this because I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t do that around your roommate even if you’re doing so discreetly. I read that in an article.

Someone said that it was weird or not okay to read, write, or listen to anything nsfw if your roommate is around. But when I go online to other spaces I see people talking about doing that regardless of if their roommate is in the room or not. I want to know if those things are okay to do as long as you are not masturbating. Also I’m pretty sure a private space was when no one else was around, but others seem to say as long as you are not doing anything and keeping to yourself it’s still private. I’m just confused. What’s the appropriate time and place to read, listen, or draw/write these things?

A lot of it confuses me because what do they mean when they say NSFW? Is it just the sexual stuff or do they genuinely mean all the stuff that goes into what isn’t Safe For Work?

Hey there, ls2verice.

I don't know who it was that said this to you, or why you're holding their opinion in such regard, but I strongly disagree with what they said. For one, what is NSFW, as you also suggested, is incredibly vague and often incredibly broad. But what people do and don't do at a workplace is a totally different set of boundaries, and for different reasons, than what they do in their own homes or living spaces.

What you read, write or listen to with headphones in your own living space is up to you. If your housemate isn't seeing or hearing any of it, then it won't even be something they know about to be potentially bothered by in the first place. People who live together should, IMHO, have the right to think, read, write or listen to what they like when it isn't shared.

Moving forward, I'd suggest that just because one person says a thing they think to you, you not consider them an authority on that thing just because or if they have a strong opinion. Instead, I'd suggest you try and be more selective about whose opinions you give this kind of weight to, and that you privilege the opinions of folks who are most directly involved with whatever that opinion is about. In this case, that would be the opinions of yourself and, if you wanted them (and again, since all this is private, I don't think you need to seek them out unless you want to), your roommate. <3