is it wrong for me to want to be more sexual with my long distance bf

[flowerzsophiaa]

idk if im posting this on the right board but i’m 14 almost 15 and i got in to a relationship not too long ago. we live 8 hours away from each other and have never met but we text everyday, call, send each other voice messages, etc and lately i’ve been wanting to be more sexual with him. we’ve never said anything or done anything sexual towards each other before, which worries me that he’s not in to me like that and i’m a terrible person for even thinking like that in the first place.

i want to try and ask him about it subtly or something but i also don’t want to force him or make him uncomfortable. what do i do??

[Straif]

Hi again flowerzsophia,
It's not wrong to want to be sexual with someone you care about, but there's no way to know how he feels about the prospect unless you communicate with him. For that, I'm always going to recommend this article, which includes links to other great advice around all aspects of communication in relationships: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/relatio ... ationships

The long-distance/digital relationship also raises some potential safety and legal concerns since you are under 18. I can't say much about what those might be without knowing more about how old your BF is, where either of your live, or how you met. No matter what, I advise against sending suggestive pictures or videos of anyone under the age of 18, including yourself. This is for a variety of reasons, not least of which is that in the United States it is a felony for someone of ANY age to access, create or distribute child pornography, and that could apply to text, emails, snapchat, screenshots, etc.

[flowerzsophiaa]

hii! tysm for replying my bf was born the same year as me and is 15!! (his birthday was earlier this year), and we live 6-8 hours away from each other. i’d never send any kind of explicit images whatsoever, too. i just meant i want us to talk more playfully/sexually towards each other (if that makes sense idk how to describe it)

[mikky]

hey flowerzsophiaa,

Thanks for clarifying, and that does make sense. Did you read the article Straif sent? What did you think?

I can understand wanting to be subtle, but that doesn't usually give other people a good idea of what we are thinking and wanting. Your boyfriend feeling uncomfortable is certainly a possible outcome, but there are very considerate and caring ways to bring this up without creating pressure.

For example, if you were to say “We never flirt, do you even find me attractive or what?!?” that would put him (or anyone) in a hard spot.

But instead, if you said something like, “I’ve been thinking about how much I like you, and how nice it is when we get flirty. Is that something you’d also want to do more of?” then you can share how you feel, open up communication, and give him space to choose how he’d like to respond. It can also be helpful to point toward an example, like, “That time Sunday when we were texting and we were being really playful was fun for me, and I feel so comfortable with you. Could we try and do that again?”

It might seem kind of awkward, but we don’t tend to spontaneously have conversations without starting them somewhere! I just sent another user this article, and I think it will also be helpful for you: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whys, Whats and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner

Let us know what you think!