Scarleteen

how do i know who or what i am like i am home schooled and i never got to take a sex ed class or anything and the first time i heard that girls have a diffrent part then boys was like 2 years ago so i feel vary like overly protected and i dont realy know alot about the lgbtq world cuz my parents are also very christian so i always heard that lgbtq was bad and that people were just confused or dum and i was like "ok" cuz i didnt know any diffrent and now that im starting to "think for myself" instead of just exepting what they say.
ive been wanting to ask some one what lgbtq was al about and to me it just seems like you get to dress up for real and ur actual soposed to be that other thing as much as humanly possible but i dont know so if thats correct or part of it can somone explain

oh i almost forgot i have been fealing like i am more female then male lately because like i kinda started think for myself more and i dont know if it would be a complete she her type thing cuz i still feal like a guy sometimes but i am more timid and quiet and i have always liked more girly toys besides army guys (all of wich i dont use anymore) but ya like i just feel like i act more like a girl but i still feel like a boy when the family watches a cool movie or when theres a competitive game of like hide and seek or something like that idk and when i look at the girls they dont try realy hard or arnt very good but then when i see girls talking i think i act more like a girl
i know that whole last part was probly useless i just want somewhere to talk to someone i wont feel embaressed talking to and that was another reason i was here but ya i should probly stop typeing or you might never finish replying

Hey there GGfRya! Welcome to the boards.

I really appreciate you posting and asking questions about identity! First of all, so you know, your curiosity is very common for someone your age who is going through puberty. Self-identifying is a natural part of the process of puberty and there is no one correct way to act so you are very much in good company! It sounds like you are thinking more about your gender and questioning it. That's exciting! Do you have a trusted friend or family member or teacher you could confide in with these thoughts? Getting encouragement from other people to be yourself can be such an important part of exploring your identity. If you don't really, we are happy to help support you!

I think articles from our website will be a great place for you to start. They have TONS of information so I will share a few of those below. To answer a few of your questions briefly, LGBTQ is an acronym that stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning. It is a way to refer to people who do not follow the traditional, encouraged gender roles (babies are born and if you are born a boy, you grow up to be a man who falls in love with and marries a woman). That can look a lot of different ways and the articles I link here will give you more information about that. In regards to gender, we like to describe it as a spectrum including cisgender, non-binary, and transgender just to name a few. Ultimately everyone experiences gender in different places on the spectrum and your exploration will be super individual and could last years! For me, I still question my gender often and rely on my gut check to decide how to identify.

Let us know what questions come up after reading these!

The Rainbow Connection: Orientation for Everyone
How to Reconnect With Your Body In Spite of the Impact of White Supremacy
Queer, Devout, and In Between: Navigating Sexuality and Spirituality as a Young Person

thanks lilikoi for responding so quickly i thought it would take longer but ya i looked over the articals you pined and like one of them was talking about white supremesy wich like i dont not believe in like i think its real but not a supremisy more like a culture that most people of power follow or was the complete regular for most people and now other ideas are being expressed other then that but anyway besides that the one about spirituality like i didnt realy need cuz i got that all figured out for me but the one about the rainbow connection i havent finished but from the first section seems like it can be helpful because rn the problems i have are

trying to find out what (for lack of better words) i am

and how to express that and feel that way in a enviroment that supresses lgbtq heavily

im not sure if i mentioned it in the last message but i am in a very controling and over protective and i feel like i lack privicy inclueding just using this web site i feel like i am having to hide it wich shouldnt be how teens or realy any young person in this time in history but thats just how it is for me i guess so that is the next biggest thing is just figureing out how am i sopposed to actualy identify as whatever i am in this kind of enviroment

Hi GGfRya,

I am so sorry to hear that you are not in an environment which you feel free to explore in. We are always a place for you, and all people, wanting to navigate the spectrums that are gender and sexuality!

It may seem like you need to 'figuring yourself out' completely in this moment but like lilikoi said gender tends to be much more complex.

A good place to start might be to think about activities you do or ways your present yourself which you feel most comfortable or yourself doing. Maybe it is something as simple as the color of clothes you wear or a hobby that brings you joy. Can you think of anything like that?

well like i probly could but i dont realy know like the cloths i wear are whatever my parents found on sale so i dont realy choose choose what i wear but i still kinda do but ya i dont realy have a lot of time for hobbys besides gaming all the other time is used just sitting around or doing school i like music though maybe thats something

Hi GGfRya,

I think that, like with anything we enjoy, all of the things you mentioned definitely have the potential to help you understand more about yourself and explore new things.

One of the cool things about gaming is that,especially in rolplayer games, we get to be anyone we want to! Not only do we ge to look like anything we want, but act in whatver way we want, trying new things by using a charater we create to help us. Music can also be a great outlet and interest. Whether we're listening, or playing, music can help introduce us to new artists who we might relate to, and find communities of other people who also enjoy certain genres. I think you are on to some good idea with these.

I wonder, since you've been thinking about all of this, do you have anyone in your life besides us that you feel you can talk to about these things? A friend or relative? The only reason I ask is that sometimes it really helps to talk these things out and remember that you're not alone in wondering about this stuff. You mentioned you're homeschooled, and i've been right where you are, trying to figure yourself and gender out in a house where that not be as much an openly welcome topic of conversation, so I wondered if there's anyone else you might be able to talk through this kinda stuff with?

ya no everyone in my life exept my grandma that my parents wont let me see practicly ever. everyone exept her are homophobic all my homeschool freinds all my family and all the people at church are very very homophobic and i also want to tell you that i dont have any RPG cuz my parents dont let me have any but they dont realy know the definition so i have like a spiderman game and horizen forbiden west but those are like a diffrent kind of RPG cuz they dont let you change characters and a few years ago i was "makeing my own game" not realy and it was basicly DND now that i look back but after i explained how it worked to my parents they made me stop so now i dont realy have a way to play the kind of RPG your talking about but anyway you were talking about how music can help how can i do that cuz i am vary into music i can play lots of instroments and i have been in choir for i think 6 years and i freestyle rap decently so if music can help i would realy want to know about that

also before i forget since i dont have anyone eles to talk to about this kinda thing are there other places i can talk to people besides just this site

Hi GGfRya,

It sounds like your parents are not supportive of your interests, and like you can't share your feelings and thoughts about the things you are learning here without being judged. I'm sorry to hear that--it really shouldn't be that way. You've mentioned that you don't have much privacy, so I want to check in on something: do you feel comfortable keeping your browsing history from being visible to them? Do you erase it, or use an incognito browser?

It sounds like music is already helping you through the enjoyment it provides. As Anya was saying, one way that music can help is as an outlet--a way to express yourself. You might sing or rap pieces that resonate with you, or you could write your own music. Does any of that sound interesting to you? Are there any musicians whose work you relate to?

are there other places i can talk to people besides just this site

Hmmm... there are not many spaces quite like ours, but we might be able to find some for you. Are you looking to make friends, perhaps with other queer people your age? Would you like another space where you can ask questions and receive advice?