I want to get a sex toy

[toru]

Hello, so, as subject says I want to get a sex toy but I'm 14 years old and I don't really know how my mom would react. I'm hypersexual so I think personally having a sexual toy can help me a lot with that. Should I wait till my 15 or 16 birthday to talk with my mom about this? Or should I just go and talk her about it now? Like, she's pretty open about it. Sometimes we talk about topics like these and we had the infamous "sex-talk" a lot of times, but I'm not pretty sure how would she react when i ACTUALLY tell her that i want a sex toy. Any recommendations are welcome, I really need help with this

[Latha]

Hi there, Toru--welcome to the boards!

I don't think you need to wait till you are older to explore sex toys, though being older may indeed make it easier to have this conversation with your mother. Is there a less intimidating question you could ask your mother, that would help you get a sense of what she thinks? Could you mention hearing about toys (from your friends, or online) to see how she would react?

We do have how-to articles on making sex toys at home that might be useful, here: D.I.Y Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition and DIY Sex Toys: The Partnered Edition

Out of curiosity, I want to ask: what do you mean by 'hypersexual'?

[toru]

I'm a sexual abuse victim, one of the consequences I have because of that is having that (being hypersexual). This condition is like a form of intrusive and impulsive sexual thoughts (involuntary ofc).
Touching myself isn't really my thing, so that's why I thought "oh maybe a sex toy could be better!" But I'm pretty unsure about it... My mom despite being open to topics like this, she once told me that If I want to get one someday (this was like a year ago I think) I have to get into a sexual relationship first.
I checked the DIY toys list but i don't really know how to make one without it looking suspicious I'm a pretty reserved person so my mom is gonna suspect immediately if I'm doing something and don't want to tell her. Should I try to convince myself to liking masturbating (like just touch myself and stuff) for now or just go ahead with the DIY toys?

[Sofi]

Hi toru, I'm so sorry to hear you went through that, and thank you for sharing with us. <3

I'm being reminded of a recent thread from a user around your age with basically the same dilemma. Our founder and director Heather chimed into that thread with something super useful that I want to share here:

"Those of us who have long worked as sex educators have usually talked to at least one (and in my case, way more than one) parent who feels really torn and conflicted about getting their minor child a sex toy. Those worries and concerns run the gamut from being worried about boundaries with their kids, to being worried about the department of children and family services knocking on their door because they were a legal adult who bought a minor a sex toy, an unfortunately understandable concern in this era, even if that actually happening isn't presently all that likely.

So, instead, if you're going to ask her to help you get something like this, might I suggest that you try and make things a little more comfortable for you by asking her for a gift card for somewhere where you can get toys? I generally am the last person to suggest someone gives Amazon any more money, especially for sex toys, but just as an example in this case, they do sell a ton of strokers and other toys that anyone who had a gift care could get and have sent to them. You could tell your mother you want the gift card for something you want to keep private because it's about your body, too: the point isn't that asking for a toy is something to be ashamed of, so much as that -- especially with a young teen like you -- it presents a tricky position for both a child and a parent that I think can be alleviated with a little grace and a little less directness, in this case."

So, with all that said, I'd say your best options right now are: to explore manual masturbation without any toys and see if you can find ways that you enjoy that, and/or to try to make a DIY toy and keep it somewhere private/hidden, and/or ultimately you could ask your mom for a gift card somewhere without having to explicitly ask for a toy. Does that help? <3

[Abiwabi]

Hey, I'm so sorry for your sad experiences

I'm 14 myself and there's no way I can buy a real sex toy so the best I can do is to improvise, humping a warm pillow always help. Also, if you have an old electric toothbrush you can use it as a vibrator, I guess it's not as powerful as a real one but it does the job lol. If you have a detachable shower head you could just aim the water directly to your private parts and enjoy it, I don't really do this tho because it's a waste of water.

[mikky]

Abiwabi, thanks for chiming in! If you didn't see this article linked already, you should check it out- it shares some information on how to DIY vibrators safely from things like electric toothbrushes. The key pieces of info for electric toothbrushes and anything with a current are make sure you're using them externally only, that they should not be shared with other people (or also used for toothbrushing), and to cover them with a condom.
D.I.Y Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition