Scarleteen

so basically title. i feel so ready only thing is i don’t have anyone to do it with. my crushes don’t like me and i don’t like the people who have crushes on me. there are hot guys in my school but they’re not nice and i don’t want to get a reputation. also my parents are really strict so i don’t know how i would go about doing it anyway. i can’t wait to go to college so that i can finally have sex in peace i just feel this burning desire to. nothing helps. also i feel like im too horny because none of my friends feel this way i feel so weird. one of my ex friends told me i made her uncomfortable and got me in trouble for talking about sex so maybe that’s why i feel like i’m too much. i’ve been like this since i was 12.

Hey ireallylovecats,

This is a totally understandable feeling to have. College can feel freeing to many people because it's the first time when you really get to be on your own and make your own choices entirely. It can certainly feel frustrating to be almost there, but still have to wait. I remember feeling so eager to be treated like an adult and gain the personal autonomy I deserved, and unfortunately, sometimes it is a waiting game in that way.

I notice you mentioned that you feel somewhat alienated from your friends because of expressing this feeling and openly talking about sex. This sounds super frustrating too! Sex and sexuality are normal, and in fact, pretty much inherent parts of human life, so to not feel like you can even talk about it with your friends is understandably upsetting. Is there anyone else in your life that you feel you can talk to about some of these feelings of alienation, isolation, and eagerness for freedom? Some people opt for school counselors or private therapists, which I would recommend if you have access, as it can be really helpful, like you're doing here, to get things off your chest.

Before we go deeper into this topic, I want to make sure we give this some thought and understand why you feel this urge to have sex. What are you hoping to get out of it? What do you envision it can do for you that masturbating can't?

Regarding how you feel, it's very likely that some of your friends do feel this way but won't talk about it. A lot of people prefer to keep anything sexual private and won't share something like that. It's a common way to feel at your age, so you don't need to worry about it being weird, because it isn't.

hmm i used to have a therapist but i don’t currently have one. i probably should!
i’m not actually sure it’s just that i’m jealous of adults who can do it whenever they want. i guess it would just feel more real and hotter. its so erotic to have that connection with another person who you find hot and i guess i wonder how it would feel bc its an unknown experience. i’ve thought about it so many times so i wonder if it would measure up to in my head.

Hi there!

You are absolutely not alone in your feelings. We're humans who need connection with bodies that evolved for pleasure so your feelings about it are extremely normal! In the interim while you are waiting for that connection, I wonder if you have identified what sex means to you? Knowing distinctly what you want to get out of physical touch is a great way to prepare for the best experience when you get the opportunity.

I am also curious if this unquenching desire is something you notice experiencing for things besides sex. Could be playing video games or talking to a cool person or anything you find desirable. When you notice you want something and do not have access to it, what do you typically do to accept that? I ask because even once you cross that bridge and have sex, a part of being sexually satisfied is being able to prioritize your life around that new activity. You can build some skills for healthy sexuality even when you're not partnered!

i usually just wait it out! as in i want to have more ear piercings but again not allowed so i’m just planning the ones i want for the future :3

Hey ireallylovecats,

Good to know that you already have a strategy when you can't immediately get what you want; keep it up! Since it hasn't been mentioned, I wonder if channeling your feelings into art is something you'd like to try. Maybe you can write a poem, create an artwork, or even sing your heart out to a song. Obviously it won't exactly be the same, but I think it's worth trying while you reflect on what sex means to you. What do you think?

i’ll try that thank you so much!