Scarleteen

I am 19 years old, and I am two months into my first relationship. I have a really bad anxiety disorder that kept me from being in relationships before, so I have a lot of stupid questions that I am afraid to ask because people judge me for not knowing better. But my boyfriend and I have just started being a little sexually active. About a week ago, we started dry humping sometimes, and I have really been enjoying it, but sometimes I get irrationally anxious about becoming pregnant for this. I consider myself pretty smart and educated, so I know it's basically impossible to get pregnant like this, but I still suffer from extreme anxiety. Anyway, just as I was calming down from this, last night, my boyfriend fingered me. It was completely consensual, and I asked him to. Afterward, I saw him adjust his penis, and it made me remember that sometimes when we dry hump, he adjusts his penis. When he fingered me last night, we were dry huming beofre he did it, and I am scared he may have touched his penis, gotten sperm on it, and then touched me with it. I have been spiralling a little bit. This morning I had a panic attack, and he was really sweet about it. We talked about everything, and we are on the same page about not wanting kids until we are in our 30s. We are currently not even considering doing stuff without clothes on. I asked him if his hand was completely dry when he touched me last night, and he said he was 100% certain that it was. I made him swear. He said he was so certain about it that he wasn't worried about that at all. I'm still worried, though. I got my period today, and I am still worried. How do I stop worrying? Is it completely irrational to be worried about being pregnant at this moment?

Hello Pinkandgreen--welcome to the boards!

I'm glad to hear that your partner and you are on the same page about the activities you want to do together, and that he has been compassionate about your worries. Your questions are not stupid--I hope it will help to hear that we don't judge people for asking sincere questions.

You are correct that it is not possible to become pregnant by dry humping. In addition, sperm cells simply would not survive being transferred from your partner's body, to their hand, to your body. They need a very specific environment to survive, and would not do well with that much friction. A key to remember is that there has to be direct contact between semen and the vulva/vagina for pregnancy to occur.

Though your fears about pregnancy are not grounded in the immediate facts, I wouldn't want to you think of yourself as silly for having them. Having compassion for your fears is always more helpful than judging yourself.

Sometimes anxieties derive from our evaluation of the consequences of a risk and our ability to manage them, rather then how likely the risk is to occur. There is no chance that you could become pregnant from the activities you described. But, in the hypothetical situation that you did, do you think you would be able to manage that?

Also, if I may ask, what has helped you when you have felt anxious before? Has that helped with your worries now?