Dealing with scammers

[CuteKitten]

Hi all I have a very upsetting experience recently. So I got a friend request on discord and accepted it as I think they were in a discord I used to be in. We chatted for a bit and I asked how they had found we and what they wanted. They said they were a hypnotist so somehow must have known I had experience with that before. We chatted for a bit me being skeptical. They said they wanted me to submit and I said is there anything you want in return as there’s usually a catch. They said they wanted some money which did set of alarm bells in my head. They said I won’t say the amount I payed “The fee cost you x bucks and which I trust you will find more than reasonable for the profound impact our sessions will have on your life. This contribution is not just transactional it is a pledge of your dedication to exploring the depths of your submission and the heights of joy as my sub. Together we’ll explore the depths of desires, I will show you what your getting with me is far beyond what any pro dom could offer. It is authentic, all consuming experience that will leave you breathless wanting more and most importantly feeling truly understood and cared for” I was still skeptical so asked them to send a voice message which they did. I payed them and today we did a session. They hypnotised me making me vulnerable and then asked what was the maximum amount I could spend to pay for there shopping. I said that my first payment was a one time thing and that I felt uncomfortable giving more money. They they didn’t respond. I am so upset as I have got scammed they spent 3 days gaining my trust. They gave me there phone number on discord so was thinking of calling them. I am looking for advice and emotional support. If I yelled my parents they would be so cross and I want to have a good Christmas without them being cross at me.

[Sofi]

Hi CuteKitten, so sorry to hear this happened, that's awful. Although this isn't really a sex or relationship question/issue, I do remember you having trouble with Discord communities in the past, so I want to just remind you to be really careful online. People's intentions are hard to determine online, and it's just more likely for people to be more bold behind a screen. I don't know if calling them is a good idea since they will then have your phone number too and you don't want to jeopardize your own safety. It might be best to just call this a loss and let it go, unfortunately, and just be more cautious from now on. <3

[CuteKitten]

Yea agreed it horrible people exploiting vulnerablity like that. I agree with you I have stopped contact with them and am trying to move on. The thing I find hard is sometimes you can find really friendly people online actuality have a few friends I met online and now we meet up in person!

[Latha]

Hi there, CuteKitten!

As I see it, people you meet online can be open and friendly while respecting certain limits to keep everyone safe. Safe people will generally show you though their actions that they recognize that you don't know them well, just as they don't know you. Even if they invite you to do something together, they'll leave you with a way out--enough space to say no without feeling pressured. They won't make big promises or try to get you to make commitments, financially or otherwise.

In any kind of relationship, responsible people will take more precautions when there are more risks. An all consuming dynamic, where you explore aspects of submission and control, is very intimate and vulnerable. And, there was actual money involved here! Any reasonable partner wouldn't try that without having some in-depth conversations about everyone's needs, and they would leave you with a clear way to stop your interactions at any time.

It really is not always easy to tell when people are not being genuine online. I'm glad that you were skeptical of this person, and that you listened to that feeling. Now that you know what that is like, it will probably be easier not to get caught up with these sorts of people.

[CuteKitten]

Hello Latha,
Thanks for your kind and considerate response. I totally agree with what you are saying about people taking precautions and going slower into things. I have definitely learned from this experience I will say I have come out of it feeling a lot more guarded and less initially trusting but I don’t think that’s a fully bad thing as it will hopefully mitigate something like this happening again. I can also kinda be glass half full and at least this happened online and not in person where it’s a lot easier to step away.

I also feel a bit immature falling for something like this. I remember at school all the online safety talks but I guess I was naive thinking I wouldn’t be susceptible.

Thanks again for all of your help, I know that myself and many many others appreciated all the effort you put in!

[Latha]

Hi CuteKitten!

I'm glad talking about your experience here helped you! Please don't blame yourself. Hearing about safety theoretically is very different from being confronted with a risky situation in real life. It takes luck and focus and practice to use what you know. And that is not only true for you--anyone can fall for a scam, all it takes are the right circumstances.

I want to share two resources about fraud that might help you:

• Verywell Health: There's a Reason Even the Smartest People Fall For Scams

• The Conversation: You’re likely not as immune to scams as you think – here’s why

[CuteKitten]

Hi Latha,

Thanks for sharing those resources. I've read them both, and I even re-read the first article!
I definitely recognise from my experience now, some of the methods of building trust they used, which is really crummy, as connection and trust are such wonderful things. Sadly this experience has made me feel vulnerable and not in a good way (I know this might sound weird but I used to like being a little vunerable it made me used to feel more safe maybe it because I have a submissive side!) I have spoken to some friends about it and am feeling a little better, but still haven't worked up the courage to tell my parents. My parents are absolutely wonderful, really caring, but I would say overprotective and saying something like that would probably freak them out a bit. However, I also really want to tell them as I trust them so much, but it could open a whole can of worms about other ... things I am interested in.

I do know in the grand scheme of things what happened to me is nothing compared to all the other horrible stuff going on in the world right now, and I do feel a bit guilty getting so worked up on this. I hope I am not flooding the boards or overwhelming the volunteers as I know I have posted a lot on the boards.

[maille]

CuteKitten,

I am glad you found the resources Latha supplied to be helpful! Vulnerability can be a tricky thing, especially when our trust has been broken. I also want to add that even though there is a lot of horrible stiff happening in the world, your problems are still legitimate. Don't let comparison get the best of you!

We are here for any other sex/relationship queries!

[CuteKitten]

I know this isn’t what you do here but I need some advice I am really panicking.

So basically I was on an online site and was sexting with someone they were totally down for it even pushing it a bit.

They sent me this:

This is the end of your life I am sending your nudes to the world now so am swinging it to all your friends and your family and friends to all your comments and tags on social media and on your Apple iPhone 14, so just comply with me and have it end I’m going to ruin your life if you don’t comply.

Did a 10 second countdown

£800 and we are done here

Those who proved stubborn with me l expose ‘em like I do promise and when that happens it ruin their careers, relationships and the family get chattered and they lose other opportunities too. So if you want all these to happen to you and more let me know so I can go ahead and fuck you over.

You have just been reported I have your nude and everything with me right now all you have to do is to comply with me and let be done for good or I should start sending it out to all social media and am sure your families and friends will come across it

Just ask me how much I want and I will delete the post and let be done for good

They sent a screen shot of what they are going to do taken all my pictures have a face picture as well as my phone number and are going to put it on social media.

They also sent a picture of when they did it to someone else so I know the threats real

I have taken pictures for evidence and not replied but am really really scared. I know what I did is naive but I am just so so worried and don’t know what to do.

[Heather]

Hi there, CuteKitten. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

This is also a scam, a kind currently called sextortion, and it's very common right now. There's even information about it from the FBI: https://www.fbi.gov/how-we-can-help-you ... sextortion

It is very unlikely they will send your photos to anyone -- they won't have contacts for your friends and family unless you gave them to them -- and telling you you have "been reported" is a manipulation. Reported to whom? For what? They didn't report you to anyone, they are just trying to scare you to try and scam you out of money. I don't know what they sent you a picture of per someone else, but just because they have threatened and tried to scam someone else doesn't make what they are claiming they will do any more legit. It just shows you they have done what they have done to you to other people. They will most certainly not post these things to social media: you are not a famous person -- so the general public is not going to care one bit about your photos -- and they would only expose themselves.

You have two choices here: you can just block them from being able to contact you and leave this, or you can report this to your local police, since what they are doing is a crime. What do you think you'd like to do?

Moving forward, I would strongly encourage you not to engage with people sexually online you do not know and have not met in person, and particularly, you should never give nude photos to anyone you don't know and trust unless you really are okay with them potentially being seen by...well, just about anyone. This isn't your fault, scams are never the fault of the person being scammed, they are always the fault of the scammer, but when you do things like this, you really leave yourself wide open to predatory people and the harm they can cause. Sexts and personal photos are things you should save for people you actually know and know you can trust.