Scarleteen

the title explains itself. i just want to know what people think

It stresses me out because this is the standard for sex and its how sex IS in real life and porn, i think its pretty misogynistic because women are basically reduced to making men cum ALL the time in every situation mostly (which is not what sex should be about, it should be about orgasm for both (especially the woman who risks so much more))

but the problem is.. me saying this quite literally would make EVERYONE in the world (including me because ive been attracted that kind of sex before)(fictionally)) misogynistic.. (even if its not purposefully)
i can’t change EVERYONE even if i wanted lmao.. so, i don’t know what to do about the way i think .. hoping someone else knows

Hi Donquixote, and welcome to the boards! I’m so glad you’ve found us here to discuss this

It sounds like you’re picking up on the pervasiveness of misogyny as it rears its head in both sex and porn. Your observations are important and I am really glad you’ve brought them up to discuss in a safe space like this, but I am sorry that this has been stressing you out so much. Hopefully we can talk this through and help you feel a bit more empowered about women and sex. <3

The view that the only goal of sex is male orgasm is indeed misogynistic, but I do think that is a view held by misogynistic people, not people at large, you know? (Not saying you’re misogynistic, just saying that you’re probably noticing a lot of misogynistic people talking about sex in this way, which is a stressful thing to go through for you!) There’s certainly a lot of misogyny in the world, which is what you’re picking up on. But at the same time, there’s also a lot of expansiveness, pleasure, and joy in the world. At this point where we’re living with misogyny around us, it’s more of a matter of leaning into the expansiveness and surrounding yourself with people who aren’t misogynistic and who don’t view sex as a male orgasm-focused activity. How does that sound to you?

Specifically, with sex, the goal of sex can be determined by the partners involved. So, while there is a lot of misogynistic sex that has happened and continues to happen out there in the world, (either with a misogynistic partner involved or in a “scene” with non-misogynistic people using the idea as play, but that’s a tangent…), there’s also a lot of expansive, pleasureful, and reciprocal sex happening out there in the world! It’s just happening between partners who believe in reciprocity and mutual pleasure and who make it happen.

With media (specifically porn), my answer is similar: there’s a lot of porn out there that focuses solely on the male orgasm, but there is also a lot of porn out there that focuses on all partners and their pleasure. There’s even porn out there that focuses *only* on the female orgasm!

So! I think you’re picking up on some of the more toxic and misogynistic spaces in our world. Honestly, you’re right as well that it does feel like it’s *everywhere* some days. We are indeed living under a misogynistic institution right now anyway, so I can really appreciate how the misogyny in the world feels really, really overwhelming, like it’s everywhere and that there’s nothing else. You’re not alone in feeling this way. <3 But, I wanted to say all that to remind you that there *are* people and spaces out there who aren’t misogynistic, who will treat your pleasure as important and who will treat you as an equal.

It might help to actually search for these more equal spaces, too! How would you feel about diving into more of these progressive and expansive spaces, either in real life or in the media you consume? I’d be happy to make some suggestions! (I can’t recommend specific porn, I mean more like books, movies, podcasts, community spaces, art, etc.)