Scarleteen

Hi! So I've been randomly getting bothered at a few things my best friend has done and said lately, even when she doesn't have any bad intentions as far as I know. At the same time, I don't really know who to talk about this with since I don't know who else I have that considers me close to them, and they probably wouldn't know what to do or say about this situation either.

Some of the things said best friend has done is randomly bringing up that she had/has sex with her boyfriend out of the blue, or that she's in a group date right after letting me know someone I wanted to get back in touch with doesn't want to talk to me for good, and telling me "yeah don't say that in front of anyone" when I told her I was slightly bothered when someone told me that they think pursuing a potential relationship at the cost of their friendships is completely fine because "their friends aren't going to be married to them anyway".

I'm currently still unlearning that not everyone will constantly ditch and ghost their friends at random times the moment they get into a relationship (it happened to me twice). And I know it's common for couples to spend most of their time together as much as possible because a lot of them plan to be partners for life, but it kind of feels lonely sometimes when a lot of my friends says they don't have time at all for months for even a quick hangout when I ask because of that. I could spend weeks just focused on a hobby or a piece of media to keep myself distracted, but I still want to get to spend time with them every now and then at least.

On top of that my partner works long hours and goes home too tired to barely do anything after that, the only guaranteed time he's free in a week is his day off. I'm happy he has time for me of course, maybe it's just I get a little salty seeing so many couples getting to spend so much time together while showing it off every chance they get.

So like, any advice on how to let go of these sorta bitter feelings about this whole thing?

Hey there, Breadsticks.

Before I say more, I feel like it would be most helpful to try and tease apart what about this you feel like is because you feel envy or jealousy when it comes to people who are able to spend more time with their partners, and what about this you think you'd probably be feelings even if you did get to see your partner as often as you like, and if the relationship was going more like it sounds you'd prefer it be going (like having a partner who was doing more with you). It sounds like some of this may for sure be about you feeling some kind of way because of things you want and don't have in this relationship, but I wonder if some of it isn't about something else, like wanting some boundaries you don't have and wanting your friends to have more time for you. <3

That makes a lot of sense, thank you so much for this!!

Of course. <3

I did mean you can do that here, in this thread, where we can help you with it, but if it feels better for you to do it on your own, that's good, too!