Scarleteen

I started taking lexapro about a year ago as part of my treatment for my bipolar disorder. Ive been on many different combinations before, some of which lowered my desire to have sex, but this is the first one that's straight up REMOVED any sexual attraction completely. It also seems to have killed any romantic desire which, to me, is much more concerning. I don't even seem to get crushes anymore.
I still seem to be capable of orgasm when I try, so it hasn't gotten rid of the actual ability to enjoy sex, I just don't care about it or being romantically involved at all. To be clear, I haven't HAD a relationship since I was in high-school (Now in my early 30s) because I'm terminally awkward, but I always had crushes and wanted that. Now I suddenly couldn't care less.

I guess I'm wondering if this is something I should rightly be concerned about? On the one hand, the current cocktail I'm on has no other apparent side effects (except night sweats) so I've been reluctant to ask a doctor about changing it up. Its definitely distressing to suddenly be missing my attraction, but I don't think about it constantly. I more worry about if I DO go off of it years down the line and suddenly realize I missed out on a lot.

Hello and welcome to the boards, DogsofWar!

I can see why you're having a difficult time with this problem. You know the benefits of your current medication, and you are probably familiar with what the process of adjusting it could feel like for you. You have to weigh that against the (apparent) cost of your attraction, something that doesn't matter to you all that much right now, but could maybe really matter under different circumstances. I don't think we could tell you what the answer is here or whether you should be concerned, but we're happy to be a soundboard for your thoughts and provide advice.

Here is what I'm seeing:

• You can have a complete life without romantic and sexual relationships if that is what feels right and makes you happy.

• If would be fully justified if you wanted to adjust your medications and see if that changes how you feel. Even if your medication has a lot of benefits as is, that doesn't mean you are obligated to stay on it when it leaves you feeling like your sense of attraction is missing.

In some ways, I think this problem is like many other questions we can have about the future: What if you picked a career, only to find that it makes you unhappy in a couple of years? What if you moved somewhere else and regretted it?

We can want certainty with these questions, but it can be hard to find. I know this has been said before, but sometimes there is no right answer, there is just making the choice you make and finding your way forward.

The good thing about all this is that there is also no wrong answer. If your feelings about attraction do end up changing in the future, then you'll have a new opportunity to make another choice. You might feel some regret, but that is the nature of many choices. If it helps, sex and romance is not just the purview of the young--if you wanted to explore relationships once you were older, it wouldn't have to be worth less than anything you would experience if you started now.

How does that sound to you?

I do want to check in about the other factors that could be influencing your ability to have crushes: Are you in an environment where you have realistic opportunities to develop romantic relationships with other people? Are you meeting people around your age in an setting where you can get to know them? And, do you feel like you could pursue sexual relationships if you wanted to?