Scarleteen

i feel ashamed due to a kink i have. i won't say a whole lot about it other than that it involves military uniforms, specifically that of a now defunct nation that did a lot of horrible things. it makes me feel gross because of the things this country did. i think i like it so much because i am autistic and this nation is one of my biggest special interests. but idk. sorry if this sounds weird/gross/etc, this is my first time opening up about it anywhere.

Hi there. Welcome to the boards, and no need to worry about grossing anyone out here.

So, you know, I'm not a big fan of the casual terminology of "kinks," because as a longtime sex educator, I mostly see it confusing people or making them feel bad or stigmatized. That framework of "kinks" also creates a general sexual binary of normal/not-normal that is usually very arbitrary and almost always inaccurate. Often what people mean when they say "kinks" is just a sexual interest, curiosity or like that they, personally, think isn't normal.

People being attracted to people in uniform, of any kind, is pretty common. I hear you saying that you feel distressed about this because this is a specific uniform of a country attached to doing harm.

Can you say some more about what you're worried about with this specific attraction? Are you worried it will cause someone harm? If so, can you say how you think it might do that? Or is it more that it's causing you to feel bad about yourself, and that feeling gross about this is something you are having a hard time processing or managing?

tbh i think i'm just scared of it somehow getting out to people i know irl, because none of them would ever understand. also it is making me feel bad about myself a bit, and yes, i have trouble processing/managing it.

oh also i forgot to mention, i have OCD so that may be contributing to this (i keep obsessing over it)

Thanks for filling me in more. I also see the add about you having OCD, thanks for that, too. Is that something you have help with, including a mental healthcare provider you have felt good about working with? Do you currently have a treatment plan for it that feels like it's working for you?

What's in your head is only something you ever have to share with someone you want to. It can't be something other people know unless you expressly share it with them. If you don't ever feel safe or okay sharing it with someone, you don't have to, and no one will ever know about this but you. Ideally, we're all always going to be pretty selective about who we share intimate parts of our sexualities with, because by all means, we're vulnerable in that respect, and not just anyone is able to handle our vulnerable parts well.

Is this all about fantasy -- only something in your head -- or is this something you think you might like to explore in reality? I ask that because that makes a difference in terms of what I'd suggest when it comes to processing how this makes you feel.

yes, i have a great psychiatrist who helps me out, and i am on meds for it i would consider maybe exploring it in the future with my bf if i'm ever comfortable enough to discuss it with him and if he's alright with it. but rn it's entirely in my head and i write fanfic involving it to get my feelings out.

Are you sharing that fanfic publicly? If so, it's sounding to me like that is leaving you feeling too vulnerable, and like it might feel better for you to only write that for yourself.

How do you feel about bringing this up with your psychiatrist?

i don't share any of it. it's all completely private. also i don't really feel super comfortable telling my psychiatrist as i haven't known her for a super long time.

I understand.

How might you feel, perhaps, talking to her about how to manage intrusive thoughts, letting her know that you want help but aren't comfortable yet sharing what those thoughts are? She shouldn't need to know the specifics to help you learn how to manage intrusive thoughts, which is what this -- and a concern other people will somehow find out -- sounds like.

i think that might be a good idea. however my next session with her is in march. how could i potentially manage this in the meantime?

Can you ask for an earlier session? If so, I'd do that.

If that's not an option, can you tell me a little about how you generally manage your OCD/ Like, even if you don't have a treatment plan for intrusive thoughts, is there anything you do besides medication to manage compulsivity when it crops up for you?

i cannot but typically, i manage it via distraction. i listen to music, play games, watch the big bang theory (my comfort show), text/call my bf if he's available, go down a wikipedia rabbithole, or just hang out with my pets (especially my cats). it's the method that works best for me.

Hi, holidayfromreal.

I do not have much to add, as I don't have experience having OCD myself. However, I wanted to pop in and see how distraction is going. It sounds like you have a good grip on what can distract you, and knowing yourself that well is really admirable.

Would it be helpful to plan or your next psychiatry session? Maybe we could come up with some talking points.

Is that working for you with this?

Heather wrote: ↑Tue Feb 10, 2026 4:59 pm Is that working for you with this?

right now, yes

maille wrote: ↑Tue Feb 10, 2026 4:43 pm Hi, holidayfromreal.

I do not have much to add, as I don't have experience having OCD myself. However, I wanted to pop in and see how distraction is going. It sounds like you have a good grip on what can distract you, and knowing yourself that well is really admirable.

Would it be helpful to plan or your next psychiatry session? Maybe we could come up with some talking points.

the distraction's working well - i watched some youtube vids abt weird internet mysteries, ate dinner (a burger!), and hung out for a bit with my kitten, piper. i also listened to some good music too, i've been listening to a whole lot of bad bunny lately since the super bowl. now i'm just writing silly stories abt a webseries i like and i've already thought of how to discuss the intrusive thoughts with my psychiatrist so i don't really think i need help w/ that rn!

Popping in to say it sounds like you've got some great strategies going! When you start to feel particularly focused or obsessive with this topic, I hope you can remember and go back to these. I hope you have a calm evening.

mikky wrote: ↑Tue Feb 10, 2026 7:38 pm Popping in to say it sounds like you've got some great strategies going! When you start to feel particularly focused or obsessive with this topic, I hope you can remember and go back to these. I hope you have a calm evening.

thank you, i hope you have a good evening too