I cant quite figure out if ive orgasmed or not

[insert_username]

I masturbate sometimes and whenever i sort of feel "in the mood" or am just curious to try, but Ive been wondering how you can tell if you've been orgasming?
Ive read the articles and such and I guess research says you're kind of supposed to know but i don't. I feel like i can get close but then I feel overwhelmed and cant do it anymore because its overwhelming and I take a break but when I try to get back into it I really struggle to and its not as easy as it was before. And then it doesnt help my own brain distracts me (I think about random unrelated things) and I feel like ive lost the touch. And even when I do try stuff like the natural lube doesnt come as easily and I feel its a natural signal to stop(?) Cause you can only keep going so much if nothing is happening and it becomes an effort.

I dunno im confused because I guess I must "chicken out" too early but when I do I cant get into it the same way and I dont know why.

I just feel im getting there but then I cant tell if ive already gotten there or if me just stopping and taking a break (usually trying to stimulate other parts) has fucked it up even though that shouldn't be true but then I get too focused on restarting that I struggle to get back to that level again.

I dont know because I definitely probably climax and I can feel it rising up and up and getting exciting but at a point i just cant do it even though I *could* but it would prolly distress me a bit because of just... the sheer feeling? Overwhelm
I dont entirely know if all those events mean I just stopped before ive gotten there and that was all for today or if an orgasm happened and ive just peaked down.
Symptoms vary by individual but genuinely I am so lost in this department.

[Latha]

Hi there, insert_username

It's a little amusing to me that these articles are saying that you are just supposed to know when you orgasm. If that really was the case, we would not get so many people here who ask the same question you did. I promise, you are in good company!

An orgasm is a peak and release of tension that has been built up in your body. The muscles in your body may contract and relax, and that might be most noticeable in the muscles of your pelvis. Have you had the chance to read our piece on sexual response and orgasm? There's a part in there about how it can feel to orgasm that I think could help with your question:

It’s really tough to describe what an orgasm feels like. Not only does it differ from person to person, one person can experience any number of different sorts of orgasms that vary with every sexual experience, from day to day. Orgasm can feel like a tickle or a hiccup, but can also feel like a very heavy head rush or wave of dizziness through the whole body. Joani Blank described it in _A Kids First Book About Sex,_ which is sadly out of print but may be available through your library, as feeling similar to when you really, really have to pee and then finally urinating. Overall, having an orgasm is a bit like being a balloon: your body fills up with pressure, then releases that pressure when it gets to its fullest point, much like a balloon does when it pops.

Does anything here seem familiar to you? Does this help you get a sense of what you might look for?

And even when I do try stuff like the natural lube doesnt come as easily and I feel its a natural signal to stop(?) Cause you can only keep going so much if nothing is happening and it becomes an effort.

Hmm... the friction from stimulation can sometimes make things feel drier. If you are not feeling lubricated, and masturbation stops feeling interesting and starts feeling forced, taking a break is a sound decision. But if you are still in the mood, this seems like a perfect use case for store-bought lubricant. Is that something you would want to try?

but at a point i just cant do it even though I *could* but it would prolly distress me a bit because of just... the sheer feeling? Overwhelm

You could do this if you were curious to see what will happen. But, may I suggest that you don't have to push yourself past discomfort and overwhelm? Reaching orgasm doesn't have to be your goal. It can be nice to have, especially when you're enjoying yourself all the way there. On the other hand, if you are feeling more distressed than excited, the peak and release of tension that is an orgasm won't necessarily make the experience better by itself.

[insert_username]

Does anything here seem familiar to you? Does this help you get a sense of what you might look for?

Not rlly in the sense of that anything is releasing but I definitely feel like ive been getting their or on the way there because I can feel the buildup and it almost gets to a peak but then yeah I have to stop when it gets too overwhelming to continue but I know that if I did I could probably get to thag point

But if you are still in the mood, this seems like a perfect use case for store-bought lubricant. Is that something you would be want to try?

I guess. I have *some* lube which is in those little packages that I have managed to hoard from my school (theyre surprisingly open about offering stuff like condoms and lube and some other stuff for free), but im unsure what you're meant to do with it? Like its just... the same liquid? Except in a pack? Is that all there is to it?

On the other hand, if you are feeling more distressed than excited, the peak and release of tension that is an orgasm won't necessarily make the experience better by itself.

Makes sense too I suppose. I dont know if its a sensory issue (im also autistic idk if that's relevant) or something else but yeah I guess so. Like on one hand it feels good but on the other its a lot at once and it shifts to a good/bad ish.

Ive been meaning to explore with other methods that dont necessarily involve just hands (since I dont have anything else) but i cant afford anything rn nor do I rlly feel confident in diy-ing something (I dont think I even have certain objects anyways) and see if that will lessen the blow somehow but for now thats the only major hurdle.
Sorry im late to reply lol

[Latha]

Hi there, Insert_username! No worries about replying late, we'll be here whenever you get back to us.

There isn't much more to lube than that, no. Lubricant from a packet should work similarly to your own lube--use it wherever you feel it would help to have less friction, or where you feel you are getting a bit drier than you would like. If stimulation feels pleasurable again, or like it isn't too much effort to continue, then you'll know that's what you need when your own lubricant doesn't come easily.

Autism and sensory issues could indeed be playing a role in how this feels overwhelming... how would you feel about exploring the zone where the sensation doesn't feel like it is too much, and see if doing so over time makes pushing forward feel more comfortable? This isn't something you have to do, so you can take your time learning to feel good in this space until you feel better about the buildup.

I hear that you don't feel sure about diying toys, but just in case, I'll leave our resource for that here: D.I.Y Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition