Scarleteen

Im 18f and ive never had any sexual relations or even masturbated. I recently found out I have vaginismus so my doctor recommended dilators and a vibrator to help get my body used to it. However, my only issue is I feel like I can’t feel when I’m aroused. I think about sex 24/7. And If I see an attractive guy it’s all I think about. So I don’t think it’s that I have a low sex drive. I just feel like I don’t have alot of feeling from it. Even tho I want it. The most I will ever feel is a tingly feeling down there, but I’m not sure if that’s characterized as arousal, and if I try to do anything about it I can’t feel anything. I was afraid I was asexual but it’s not the desire part I have issues with, it’s the fact my body isn’t reacting to how my brain feels (I’m wondering if that’s because I’m on birth control which can cause low libido and dryness). Is there any way to fix this, please help!!

I want to add that I do want to explore sex and it is a big desire for me, but I don’t know how to go about it especially with my lack of feeling and vaginismus.

So, pretty typically, we won't feel arousal really grow past that kind of tingle, want or preoccupation with sex like you describe unless we do things physically to increase it. It doesn't tend to just grow by itself past a certain level.

(And please know that most people with vaginas don' focus on the vagina when masturbating genitally, they more often center the external portions of the clitoris, so that's something you should be able to do painlessly even with vaginismus.)

In order to feel more and more arousal, we typically have to continue doing physical things -- be that alone, with masturbation, or with a sexual partner -- and often increase the intensity of those things, or to get more and more turned on by something, like, if we feel sexually attracted to someone, actually being with or around them as they connect with us sexually and bring their attraction to us to the table.

Have you read this piece before, by any chance, to better understand what masturbation can involve: Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation or this one, to better understand how your vagina is by no means your only sexual organ, or even the one that's most sensitive: With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body? If not, I think reading those two pieces could help you a lot here.