Arousal and masturbation questions

[zebraduck]

Hi, I have a couple of questions on arousal and masturbation (as you may be able to tell from the title).

Fairly often I will be reading a book or watching a film or show, and something to do with sex or relationships is referred to or happens, and I'll get an erection and feel very uncomfortable, especially if this happens in public. Additionally, sometimes my pants will feel wet and it's an extremely uncomfortable situation. This can even happen sometimes when I'm just daydreaming and start thinking about sex or relationships. It also happens when trying to read information about these topics (eg on your website or these forums) which makes it hard to actually pay attention to what I'm reading. Are there any suggestions to avoid arousal in these circumstances, or deal with it when it happens?

Additionally I have some questions about masturbation. Whenever I do this I sit on the toilet with my phone, watch or read something arousing, and rub my penis against my upper leg, until I am about to ejaculate. I then stop and aim into the toilet as ejaculation occurs. However, this means that before I ejaculate I stop and I don't really feel any pleasure, although I often continue feeling unsatisfied and that I want to keep masturbating afterwards. The reason I do this is because i don't really know where else the ejaculate is supposed to go other than into the toilet. What else can I do to make this more pleasurable and less uncomfortable, or what do most males do when they masturbate? (most of the advice on your site is guided at people with female sex organs). Also how long is it normally supposed to take before ejaculating, and afterwards should you stop or continue with what you are doing?

[Becky]

Hey zebraduck!

For your questions about male masturbation, you might enjoy this article: DIY Sex Toys: Self Love Edition

Just scroll down to the section on masturbation sleeves and I think you'll get some good inspiration.

And when you say "how long is it supposed to take before ejaculating" do you mean reaching orgasm? Because some people orgasm without ejaculating. And that can vary from person to person, day to day. Some days it might take a few minutes, other days it might take much longer. As for whether you should stop or continue afterwards, that's up to you! Does it feel good and you want to keep going? Great! Are you on a time crunch and have to head out? You can stop for now.

Trying to control arousal is kind of tough. We can't *really* control when we feel aroused but reading sexual content can definitely trigger arousal in the brain. If it really feels embarrassing or unmanageable, maybe try not to engage with sexual or romantic material in public and save it for when you have some more privacy. The daydreaming about sex and relationships can probably be helped by applying meditation techniques. You acknowledge the thought but then send it away because it isn't useful to your right now. If you need to reduce your arousal in a pinch things that might help are taking a few deep breaths, walking around, or taking a break from the content or conversation that is making you feel that way and then coming back to it.

Just for the record, it is perfectly fine to be daydreaming about those things and enjoying books and movies with sexual content in them! These practices just might help if you don't want to experience arousal in public.