Scarleteen

I recently started dating a guy I really like. We barely kiss and we have never had sex. When we cuddle, he gets visibly hard and I can feel it on me. I'm not extremely uncomfortable with it, but I want to know why it happens and how I can try to avoid it without embarrassing him. I really like him.

Hi lalalameowmeow! Welcome to the boards

For a lot of folks with penises, especially when they're still in the middle of puberty, erection is very, very common. So much so that if you look up "erection" in our website, you'll find plenty of articles discussing this phenomenon happening to people your age. It's a typical sign of being aroused ("turned on"), but it can also happen even when someone isn't sexually aroused. When it's unexpected, your boyfriend likely finds it as awkward as you may feel when you first notice it. It's no one's fault here that it happens--erections can just happen outside of sexual context, including physical contact like hugging and cuddling.

Since the two of you have only recently started dating, what do you think of discussing this? It is possible that your boyfriend has recognized his erection too, but is worried that you might find it weird. Aside from discussing that you noticed his erection, both of you can also discuss which kinds of touches and sexual actions are okay and which are a huge no.

We have some articles that can help you with this:
- The Bigger Picture on Erections
- How do I make these erections stop!?! - this is directed to people with penises, but it can help you understand that even they can find their sudden erections awkward and frustrating.
- The Roundup of “I Get an Erection When …” Questions
- Be a Blabbermouth! The Whys, Whats and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
- Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist
- Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

Hey there! I do just want to add a couple of things to char's answer to fill you in a little more and inform your thoughts on what you might (or might not) do here.

Erection is involuntary. In other words, it isn't something a person makes happen, it's something the body just does on its own, including at times when someone may not even *want* it to happen. And it doesn't just happen to people with a penis: erection is also something that happens with nipples on all kinds of bodies, and with the internal and external portions of the clitoris, but it's less obvious with the latter (and not at all something someone can tell or feel through clothes), and we've generally decided, as a culture, that nipple erections are more socially acceptable than penile erections.

I say all that because while it is absolutely up to you how, when and where you want to be touched, and by what parts of someone else's body, you may want to consider that his isn't something you need to avoid, because it's not something he's trying to do to you so much as his body just having an involuntary response to his arousal, or even just to touch or friction.

Are you bothered by how this feels? You seem to be clear you're not uncomfortable here, so if you aren't, and he isn't, then one option is for you to just keep cuddling. There's no need to do anything, after all, about an erection unless you and the person with that erection want to. Know what I mean?