How do I make my partner feel alright?

[neilperry]

I’m currently a fourteen year old boy, and around next year (so I’ll be 15) I will be visiting my partner, (who will be 16, transmale) I’m not exactly sure how to put this but he’s been begging me to have sex with him when we meet, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely do, but I’m not so sure if I’ll be completely ready for it. Should I wait until I’m older or should I just go in with it? Not only that but I’m not exactly 100% sure on how to please him, we have different anatomy afterall.

[Latha]

Hello and welcome to the boards, Neilperry! These are good questions to be asking, and we're happy to help you think through them.

Being older can make it easier to feel prepared for sex, but it isn't the defining factor. If we're thinking about whether you are ready for sex, it might help to get more specific--about what you and your partner expect from it, what you need to feel good together, and about what you two would need to be prepared to handle.

We have a checklist that goes over a lot of what you would need to keep in mind when deciding if you are ready for sex with another person. Do you think you could use that as a guide to make a list of reasons why you do feel ready for/good about having sex with your partner, and also a list for any feelings and reasons that would keep you from feeling ready? We can go over that together, and see if having sex with your partner is a good idea at this point, and whether there is anything that you can do to feel more prepared where you don't. You could also give the checklist to your partner, and use it as a guide to talking about readiness together.

Not only that but I’m not exactly 100% sure on how to please him, we have different anatomy afterall.

You don't have to be sure about how to please your partner before you have sex with him. That is something you get to learn as you go, just as he (I hope I have the pronoun right) will with you. Really, the best guide to what would please your partner is your partner. Just as you might have a sense of what you enjoy with sex and what would please you, he likely knows those things about himself, and can tell you what feels good for him.

Does this make sense? Do you think you'd feel comfortable having these conversations?