Scarleteen

Okay so like, im Genderfluid and I get really insecure when im a boy because I dont look or sound like a boy. And I cannot go on like testosterone or whatever because then when im a girl i wont look or sound like a girl! I have no idea what im supposed to do in this situation. Do I just like.. accept it or something?? Im so insecure about it rn

Hi there, Fieldofflowers.

I'm sorry to hear that this has you feeling insecure--it really can be a dilemma when you want two different presentations.

Don't worry. Gender presentation involves way more than the parts of your body that are affected by sex hormones. There is so much about the way you talk, and dress, and behave that can change how other people read your gender. And with hormones and physical treatments, you can to some extent choose the effects you want, and try to reduce the others. So, you don't have to accept this discomfort--the solutions can just be very individual and granular, and it might take some time to figure it all out.

Could you tell us a little bit about what you like about being a boy, and what you would like to look and sound like when you are one? And could you also tell us the same things about being a girl? Maybe we can help you brainstorm some ideas.

When I'm a boy, the issue is MOSTLY my voice. I can imagine how my voice would sound on my if I appeared more masculine, and it doesnt sound right? Like my voice is deep for a girl, but at the same time high for a boy? And when im a boy i kind of want to look less feminine than I do now.. my eyes are like really big for some reason and I feel like my lips would also be too girly-ish for how I would want to look like as a boy since theyre full. I think im okay with my body if I were to get a binder, its just mostly my face?? And I can change my hair if needed.. I just dont think my FACE is masculine enough for a boy. If I look in the mirror and think to myself "that's a boy!" I would be a VERY not boy looking boy. For some reason I see these features on other boys and find them attractive and boy like but specifically on me its not boy enough?? I'm biologically female and I like the way I look when I feel like a girl. My face, body and voice looks like it actually fits me when im a girl.

Hey fieldofflowers!

Have you ever heard of Drag Kings? Like Drag Queens, they are performers who perform an exaggerated version of gender expression. Drag Kings perform an over-the-top version of masculinity even though often times the performers are women or AFAB. They have some really cool techniques to make their faces appear more chiseled/defined/masculine with makeup as well as other gender-bending techniques they use to make their body appear more masculine.

Maybe that is something you could look into! For days when you are feeling more masculine maybe you could learn some makeup techniques to achieve the look you are going for.

Same thing with your voice. I'm sure there are plenty of voice actors or vocal coaches on YouTube who share techniques on how to make your voice sound deeper or more masculine (lots of women voice actors end up voicing boys!).

That way you have some temporary things you can do for when you're feeling more masculine and then they aren't permanent and you can embrace presenting more feminine on other days.

Do those sound like techniques that could be helpful?