Scarleteen

I have hyper sexuality, but my boyfriend (18m) most likely has ED.
I sometimes feel like there’s something wrong with how often i want to have sex, and sometimes he makes me feel bad for wanting it so much.

I’m also so much more kinky than he is, i just feel like he’s preforming for me, or being into me.
I just want to be tied up, i get some kind of comfort from it. And it helps me work through past stuff.

But what do i do? Do i stop asking all the time? I still want to have sex but i want him to be able to fucking get it up. please help.

Hey Ziggurat, welcome to the boards!

There's a bit to unpack here, I think.

Let's start with why you think you "have hyper sexuality". Just to let you know, in sexology (research about sex) we don't use the term hyper or hypo sexuality because they are not actual disorders. There's no medical diagnosis you can receive for just having "too high" or "too low" levels of sexual desire. Despite this, it has become a popular term on social media.

There are some instances with other disorders (like OCD) that can manifest what we would call compulsive sexual behavior. Meaning you seek out sexual activity in a way that feels uncontrollable to you or is interfering with your ability to live your life in a "normal" healthy way. Is this what you are describing? Or do you and your boyfriend just have different libidos?

As for your boyfriend having ED... this is possible, even at 18 years old. But I would want to dig into this a little bit before making any assumptions. Not being able to maintain an erection or even experiencing low libido altogether can be caused by lots of external factors. Is he stressed about school or his home life? Is he feeling pressure to perform sexually? Does he have pre-existing mental health issues like depression or anxiety?

It just seems a little harsh to me to say something like "I want him to be able to fucking get it up." This is your boyfriend and a human being. There are probably reasons why he isn't able to perform right when you need him to and I think it's important to extend a little compassion for that.

This might just be as simple a fix as having a conversation with each other. Have you two had a conversation about what you want your sex life to look like? Have you had conversations about what gets you in the mood and how you want to handle things if one of you is in the mood but the other isn't? (Ex. is the other person open to getting in the mood through kissing/cuddling/dirty talk/etc)

As for your own sexual satisfaction, how do you feel about masturbating? I know you want to be sexual with your boyfriend but if he isn't able to do that with you right now that doesn't mean that you don't have to experience sexual pleasure. There are lots of ways to enjoy solo sex as well.