Scarleteen

My friend was speaking to me on porn & how it can be really harmful to women in terms of objectification. I totally agree with her, but she was talking in such an extreme way, & a very negative way. I think it’s majority can be negative & harmful, for all participants.
Though, I really don’t like any sort of extreme, she was being so extreme to the point where it felt degrading to women who may enjoy being in porn videos, or enjoy being filmed while having sex & having it posted. She was overgeneralizing every women’s experience with porn & I was just feeling so empathetic for the women who truly may feel empowered & happy when being filmed. Along with the viewers who may have a positive & healthy relationship with porn. A relationship that doesn’t harm any of the participants, physically or mentally.
Are you guys able to help me brainstorm some scenarios where it would be empowering & positive? Whether it’s for the viewer or for the participants. I really just don’t like when a source of sexuality is explained as ENTIRELY bad & objectifying. I guess I’m just asking for a bit of a cleanse, to know it’s not all bad & to feel a bit more educated about it all, not just the negativity.
A bit of an unconventional use for this site, but I would appreciate you guys deeply, as always!
Thanks again.

Hi Ginger! I think this is a great question. Sometimes discussions of porn, online or in-person, can end up rather counterproductive, especially when pornography is perceived as wholly "bad" or "good," skipping out any nuance. It's true that pornography often portrays sex in a highly unrealistic way--for example, the way performers portray orgasm and ejaculation doesn't ring true for most people in real life. The pornography industry is also no stranger to abuse and exploitation, with many of the pornography videos we see online (especially for free) obtained non-consensually.

At the same time, there are a lot of folks in the sexual media industry who strive to create a better environment at their work and challenge how mainstream porn portrays sexuality. This includes involving actors with diverse bodies and sexual orientations and implementing humane labor practices. In an interview with us a few years ago, performer Jiz Lee emphasized how important it is to pay for the porn we engage with/consume, so that performers earn the pay they deserve. After all, this is what they do for a living.

Here are some articles of ours that can help you and your friend understand the nuances of pornography:
- Making Sense of Sexual Media
- Looking, Lusting and Learning: A Straightforward Look at Pornography
- Bare Bodies: Reality Checking Mainstream Porn
- An Interview with Jiz Lee

How do these articles sound to you? If it's possible, I hope you could share them with your friend too. Not as an attempt to change her mind--since it is ultimately up to her to decide how she feels about porn--but for discussion prompts, and see what the two of you can learn from each other's opinions and beliefs.

Thank you so much char!