How do I handle the need to Masturbate, even when in public?

[AngelTreat!!]

I'm in middle school, nearly about to leave grade 7 and head into grade 8. I want to know how to deal with the overwhelming need to Masturbate, as it makes me feel guilty and embarrassed. I'm too shameful to ask my parents, so I feel I'd better turn to a website that specializes in helping teens understand themselves.

I sometimes will be sitting in class, and I won't be paying attention. I unfortunately keep thinking about the idea of sex and masturbation constantly and I really can't leave it. I admit I sometimes think about other classmates in that manner, but I promise I've never gone up and some said thoughts; I only keep to myself.

Even as I have unsaid thoughts I keep locked away, I feel guilty about it, feeling perverted and disgusting.

I also find myself masturbating frequently at home, usually hitting around. 3-4 rounds until I notice it starts to hurt, with it taking a day or two for my crotch to stop hurting, as I sometimes keep going even after I climax. That often leads to my crotch hurting, specifically my g-spot and it makes it to where I kinda have to suffer if I want to Masturbate, in which it really does extremely hurt when I try before I'm fully recovered.

Can I please have some kind of idea to get over this? I'm trying to get over it for the better of myself.

[Andy]

Hi and welcome to the boards, AngelTreat! I’m glad you found us and I love the way you describe what we do, it definitely is a big part of what we are trying to help people with!

I would like to start talking about the guilt and embarrassment you feel, because I think it might be part of the reason why the thoughts feel so overwhelming to you. Can you think of some specific thoughts or worries you have about your fantasies or desire? And do you have a sense of where they might be coming from? Why do you think that "getting over it" would make you a better self?

If you think about it, what is the problem with having sexual thoughts, no matter what kind of those or about who, when you aren’t hurting or even in any way affecting anybody with them? I don’t see any. That is the beauty of imagination, we can have things in it that wouldn’t be possible or that we wouldn’t even want in real life. The only issue can be if the thoughts themselves were causing you discomfort, not just the shame or guilt about them. Do you think this is what is happening to you?

As for pain after masturbation, I’m sorry you are experiencing that. In many cases the easy and quick prevention of that is using lubrication. Is that something you have? If not, you can rest assured it is very easy to get hold off and can do a lot for masturbation feeling more pleasurable and less sore! Here is an article about lubes with more information that might be useful: Lube 101: A Slick Little Primer

[AngelTreat!!]

1 :

I do happen to use "lube" (i.e, spit/natural slick when I'm turned on) and it's not necessarily the lube , it's the inside. If it makes sense, the ring of (I think) muscles via the vaginal opening at the front of the vaginal canal hurts when it's stretched, as I guess I'm overstressing it as I occasionally tend to use my make-shift toys ( ex. perfume bottles that are at a safe size where they don't fit all the way in w/ a condom on it, hairbrush handles I don't use/share, ect) at specific angles that I find appealing.

While it's nice, it hurts when I repeatedly hit those angles after 1-2 rounds, making it feel bruised almost when I masturbate too frequently. It hurts when even my finger touches it, even if I'm already lubricated properly.

Is this from overexertion?

2 :

its primarily the guit/embarrassment of seeming perverted, but I guess I understand your point in the fact that it really isn't going to cause any difference unless I act on it wrongfully, so therefore I feel it's resolved and I say it now sits better with me that I'm more understanding of this ! Thanks

3 :

I feel if i try getting over said thoughts , it'd make myself feel less embarrassed to interact with people, especially those I've fantasized about. I'm shamefully admitting this, but one specific thought I've been having ever since I started liking this boy named Derick was the idea of him and me having intercourse together. Obviously, I don't really talk to him, hence I'm genuinely really shy in person, but it still bites me when I don't pay attention.

[mikky]

Hey angeltreat,

Quick note to start here, when we’re talking about using lube, we’re encouraging additional lube (that isn’t spit) to your natural vaginal lubrication. Spit is not good lube- it dries out fast and isn’t very slippery, therefore doesn’t really reduce friction. That’s not to say lube alone is the solution here, but I do recommend trying it out.


I can tell you’re being thoughtful about what you are using internally (shout out!!), but I wonder how you’re calculating “safe size” and shape. It does sound like the current masturbation practice you have is causing you pain and discomfort, and we realllllly don’t want you to be feeling that you have to suffer. Can you try exploring some other activities and touch and see what else feels good? Could you try reducing size of what you’re using internally, or just generally go gentler?
A few articles I like for this are:
Take a Self-Love Road Trip: Let Curiosity Guide Your Masturbation
How Do You Masturbate?

I’m glad that Andy’s points resonated with you!
It can certainly be a bit awkward to have fantasies about people and then interact with them in real life. I don’t think what you’re experiencing in your own head needs to be something you feel shame about. There’s no magic trick to getting rid of embarrassment around being interested in someone else (crushes can be just kinda embarrassing!), but I think working on letting go of shame could make it easier on yourself.
A few articles I think could be helpful for you to read:
I’m having sex fantasies about my crush
Bothered by being "hot and bothered"
Sexual Desire