Scarleteen

Hello !

So, for the past few years I noticed that whenever I hang out with a guy (be it a "date" or not... but seriously, I still can't tell the difference between a date and a regular hangout) I get this sort of "ick". It's an uncomfortable feeling and it drains me.
I also get this ick often when I think a guy has a crush on me, or whenever he confesses to me.
And even the thought of concretely being in a romantic relationship with a cisgender guy in the near future, makes me feel that unease. I've always had the sensation that being with a guy would have to make me repress myself in a way. I don't really know how to explain it, but I feel like I have some sort of potential that would just go to waste when I'm in a M/F relationship. Being "too good for a man", basically, but that just sounds like I'm being an egocentric diva. Still that's how I feel.

I don't know what's caused this: it could be leftover trauma from this childhood friend whom I've had a complicated relationship with, he used to mock my style and always curbed my enthusiasm (in middle school we shared an interest in a web series, but I got hyperfixated on it and used to talk to him about it often, and at a certain point he said "you're ruining it for me")
It could also be social conditioning, lately there's this widespread sentiment among women who date men, who feel ashamed about it. And this goes for queer circles as well: sapphics who either struggle with comphet or also feel ashamed about liking men and go on about how women are better in every way. And I've been feeling that way too.

So is it okay if I keep saying that I don't want to date men? (thing is, it's also been quite a while since I had a crush on anybody of any gender)
Or is this feeling something I should look into and fix? By the way sorry if I wasn't clear in explaining myself.

Hi Lyle Lanley !

I want to start by saying that there is nothing to fix about your feelings. You may feel conflicted or confused about the things you feel but I assure you there is no need to try and change them.

It sounds like you do not desire a relationship with men, at least in a romantic sense. The reason why is not really a huge deal! I do understand the stress that can come when your identity or worldview is changed through discovers like this, but I also think that it can also have very little impact on the way you see your life, future, or identity. Happy to talk through either if they resonate.

What makes you stressed about the idea of never dating a man? Is this a more recent feeling or something you are discovering has existed for a long time?