Scarleteen

So I been hearing that dating is very expensive especially if your a guy the pressure is really on you. In society norms you’ll have to ask her out on a date, you gotta plan the date, the time, and the location, you need to open the car door, you gotta open the door to the place, you need to pay for the date and you’ll either need to drop her off home or offer her a Lyft back home. And you need to keep asking her out again and repeating the cycle. You need to make it official or worse it might not get till that point because there’s a chance of you not being compatible, their vibes can be off or you find out they don’t have good intentions and now you back to square one. And all of that adds up especially if you the one paying for everything. I know not every relationship is gonna be that way some woman don’t mind spitting the bill or the food for the date which is nice since the economy is already expensive to live. But if you are paying for everything than yes being single can save you a lot of money but if your not paying for everything than being single can be expensive. What’s your take on this I wanna know your opinions?

Hi there, SilverFalcon.

I know not every relationship is gonna be that way some woman don’t mind spitting the bill or the food for the date

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so much pressure, but I'm happy you know that you want to share expenses and take initiative equally in relationships, and that you know that there are women who want that too. Understanding your own values is really important in dating, because that is a big part of how you determine whether you are compatible with another person.

I think it is becoming common for women to prefer splitting expenses, but even if only some women feel that way, that is likely more than enough for you to find a partner. It is not possible for you to meet all women, never mind date them. It will help to focus on the smaller pool of women who do want egalitarian relationships--there are plenty of people in that group.

So, the good news is that you don't have to plan all the dates if you don't want to (you could take turns making suggestions). You don't need to pay for everything on your own. You don't need to be the only one initiating, or the one who 'makes it official' (I really think that is a joint decision, and something that should be part of an ongoing conversation). And you don't need to open car doors that you don't want to open--so long as your partner is able, they can do that themselves.

You can even find inexpensive dates. Some ideas: If you are in school, you might keep an eye out for free events held in your college/university. You could visit a public park. And museums and galleries often provide free or low cost tickets.

Does this help with the pressure you are feeling?

You need to make it official or worse it might not get till that point because there’s a chance of you not being compatible

Is finding out that you are not compatible with someone really a worse outcome? Or is it simply how it is when you are getting to know new people? Especially when you are dating in an egalitarian way, you don't have to view getting to know someone as a loss if you don't end up in a relationship.